I think the trap of happiness is that you work so hard at being happy, you are not happy.
Happiness is an internal state rather than a response to an external event.
I would add to the list: hormone balance. this often rules your mood no matter how hard you try to change your perception of your current situation. It's hard to get away from from your biochem!
An input from an uncurable romantic - USUALLY "contentment (AKA happiness)" comes from the unshakable bond, passionately, between two (I do mean a man and a woman). ALL this BS about "finding oneself FIRST" is from my experience just so much gibberish. I know couples that are bonded, passionate and have been so for decades (age is NOT a factor) and are content to their very cores - this is possible but takes total openess and permitting complete honesty and vulnerability to permeate the union.
OK a dog can make a person "sort of" happy - get that HS out of the way out front.
deltamrey wrote: An input from an uncurable romantic - USUALLY "contentment (AKA happiness)" comes from the unshakable bond, passionately, between two (I do mean a man and a woman). ALL this BS about "finding oneself FIRST" is from my experience just so much gibberish. I know couples that are bonded, passionate and have been so for decades (age is NOT a factor) and are content to their very cores - this is possible but takes total openess and permitting complete honesty and vulnerability to permeate the union.
OK a dog can make a person "sort of" happy - get that HS out of the way out front.
I believe that you get what you give. If a person can make another person happy, then you will inadvertently share in that happiness. The article to which the link pointed was written in an extremely self-centered perspective. It reminds me of all of the "take control of your life" books and articles. That point of view will only create more unhappiness.
Extremely self centered??? You do realize you can not give what you do not have? This is very much akin to taking care of oneself because if you do not, you can not take care of others. That tenant is you need to work on staying healthy because if you loose your health you can not work or support another. One's personal happiness is similar, a personal journey. Points made by the article are all part of that personal journey. Certainly, it is easy to share of oneself but you can not make another person happy unless they are willing and receptive to your contributions. My experience is that happiness as well as anger are a state of mind. You can choose to be pissed off about whatever slight or irritation you sense has happened to you or you can choose to focus on the positives things in your life, the here and now.
Unless you can manage this personal journey it's difficult to perceive how you can derive happiness or make another happy, even if you give yourself completely, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and concentrate on doing the little things that make another happy. It is a two way street. Both partners need to have the ability to be positive, be aware enjoying the journey, etc.
Indeed we are nothing but a complicated chemical mix. Our mind in part governs the mix and this is where our personal journey with known causes comes into play. The other part is hormonal issues. Again, experience confirms the importance of the points listed in the article. Achieving success in dealing with each point is much more difficult than it seems. I've spent a lifetime beating back perfectionism and fear of failure, living in the here and now, and allowing for play instead of all work. My load has lightened considerably by bringing those aspects into balance. Thee and other points remain a daily challenge, but I've seen my perception of happiness and ability to give to my family improve as a consequence.
I wish you much success with your journey toward the choice of happiness.
