http://www.scientificamerican.com/artic ... le-friends Fickle Friends: How to Deal with Frenemies
"Frenemies" can be bad for your health, but understanding these taxing relationships can make them less painful
By Kirsten Weir | June 16, 2011
Have you ever had a friend who makes plans to hang out but cancels when a better offer comes along? Or a buddy who helped you through a bad breakup, then flirted with your ex? To scientists, these problematic pals are known as ambivalent friends. To a more slang-savvy crowd, they are called “frenemies.”
Either term has come to describe a range of complicated relationships—those that boost you up and bring you down, for any of a variety of reasons. They include the well-meaning friend who is overly competitive, the pal who is a pillar of support when times are tough but cannot quite take pleasure in your successes, and the college buddy who drops everything to lend you a hand when you need one but gossips about you later.
In these troublesome relationships, qualities such as warmth and understanding go hand-in-hand with criticism, jealousy or rejection. “It’s a friend who drives you nuts,” says Karen Fingerman, a psychologist at Purdue University. “You love them, you don’t want to lose them, but they’re really a pain.”
Researchers have only recently begun examining these mixed-emotion associations. So far they are finding that such ties have negative effects on mental and physical well-being, boosting blood pressure and risk of depression while lowering resistance to stress. But if you want to keep your frenemies—and most people do—you can minimize these effects by buffering your interactions with the mixed-weather friends and considering impartial reasons for their hurtful behavior.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
I liked that article. I was just talking about this with someone yesterday. I am the type to have 4-5 friends that I can count on.
There are one or two friendships that i have had to hang onto that were a pain and sometimes I really don't know why I do it. The bigger better deal types just is not my type. I am not judging because lots of people are like that and happy. I think sometimes having to stay with family just because, can be pretty entertaining. So there is something to be said for staying, just because. But I like friendships based on trust.
I always say. You want a better friend, be a better friend.
