*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years
for men to realize that their brain is also important.

25. Never trust a fart, especially if you are wearing light colored pants or shorts!

26. "No, I was not sleeping on the job! I was praying while I placed my head down on the keyboard, it seems to be more effective that way."

27. If you are gonna make coffee use seven scoops, three scoops makes hot brown water.

28. Chicken and brown rice again?! Where is the red meat and potatoes?!

29. Is my cell phone ringing? I don't think so... I don't hear it going off (but everyone else does).

30. I have to be in bed by 2200 local or I'm going home!