Keeping Romance Alive in the Age of Female Empowerment

travelingirl wrote:

BearMtnHIB wrote:

I don't know about other women but it is getting harder and harder to find a guy that has that old manly, strong persona. I don't know why.

I know why. Most men today are wimpy - girley men. They are brought up being taught all the political correct ideals and no longer are allowed to be men. Combine this with the fact that most of them are as dumb as rocks - and you get what we have today.

Wow- then you need to hang out with me! The guys I had lunch with on Thursday were far from wimpy, girly men or dumb as rocks...and they like to hang out here on 285bound!

Including me?! I fit most of that description, with the bonus that I can choose to be a tomboy or a lady, depending on my mood or what I'm doing that day! (Yes, I know my way around power tools and chainsaws, and would love to learn how to shoot a target with great accuracy! And then go get dressed up all sexy and go out dancing!)

I think there needs to be a shift in how we teach young boys and girls to approach each other. All the books out there that tout up playing games need to be shoved in a deep dark closet. It's hard when you are younger and still figuring out who you are, much less what you want in someone else, but what should be emphasized as the most important thing in any relationship is upfront, forthright, brutally honest, open communication. No game playing, no trying to make the other person jealous, no hiding any issues, no stringing them along, no miscommunication because it's all laid out. And if ideals, goals, core beliefs don't mesh, then settle for friendship and leave it at that.

I've only met a handful of guys in my lifetime who were obviously intimidated by a strong-willed, intelligent, successful woman (both conservative and liberal alike) and they stick out like a sore thumb - it's pretty easy to keep from going down that dating path.

archer wrote: It isn't a case of strength in men as it is men who are comfortable with who they are and do not feel threatened by a smart, educated, and successful woman. I disagree that the men of today are "wimpy-girly men". A man who is sensitive and not overbearing shows strength not weakness....they are secure in who they are and don't need to act like a cave man to prove themselves.

I also disagree that a woman can have too much education, we should always be educating ourselves.....this is a fast changing world and we need to keep up.....not just for ourselves as women, but in our role as prime educator of our children. I would have very little use for any man who thought his partner shouldn't continue to educate herself as far as she wants or is able to.

What's with the women should be this...or men should be that? We are all individuals, there is no limit to how much we can grow and learn excepting those limits we place on ourselves. Both men and women should work towards their individual goals, and their shared goals with their partner. Any woman or man who feels that they cannot because of self imposed gender roles may well be missing out on a very rich life and new experiences.

Having raised two kids....I do not see such a big difference in their generation than mine, they still want a good solid relationship, they want a partner in life, but they may have redefined what that partnership should look like. My generation is different from what my parents experienced in their lives, and I applaud kids today for finding their own way in this world. Mine have done well, both in personal success and warm loving relationships. I suspect that they are the norm, not the exception.

BearMtnHIB wrote: I know why. Most men today are wimpy - girley men. They are brought up being taught all the political correct ideals and no longer are allowed to be men. Combine this with the fact that most of them are as dumb as rocks - and you get what we have today.

The younger generation is the worst.

As long as any adult thinks that he, like the parents and teachers of old, can become introspective, invoking his own youth to understand the youth before him, he is lost. -Margaret Mead

Bear MtnHIN) wrote: I look at a women's ability to take care of herself financially as a plus. I run into many women who I think are over-educated. Somehow, that masters degree only served to further indoctrinate them into the politically correct society we have created for ourselves.

I see even the over-educated women making very bad choices in the guys they choose - yes I say choose because today women choose the guys as much as guys choose women. I see women discard potential partners that would be a good match - for an idiot.

Yes - that guitar player in the band looks good on Friday night, but usually by monday morning the reality starts to set in that a long term relationship may not be possible with a guy who is so self centered.

Women are very much like men in this way - they are attracted to the things that usually don't make good partners. It's like a guy picking the girl with the biggest boobs - it might work - but there are more impoortant characteristics to consider for relationship material.

It's not a product of "over-education", there is no such thing - we are constantly learning every day (yes, some more than others) - but it is a consequence of low self-esteem, or a conscious desire to only have a casual relationship. Sometimes all they want is that guitar player who won't stick around. Sometimes they don't think they deserve better and will subconsciously keep picking the guy who will obviously hurt them - and that's where they need to figure themselves out, face their fears (even of being alone, because it's a lot harder to figure yourself out if you are in a relationship), look introspectively and ask themselves what they truly want, and even seek therapy to help them deal with their issues and become a stronger, more assured person. Once they've realized what they want in a mate, what attributes are important to them, it's easier to communicate that and not waste your time, or choose unwisely. But relationships, even just friendships, also require life-long learning, compromise, understanding, open communication, and effort.

CG - maybe this might help! You just have to find someone who talks like you do!

http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic ... ng_romance
Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance
In dating game, conversationally aligned players often pair up
By Bruce Bower
December 18th, 2010; Vol.178 #13 (pg. 8)

A subtle, surprisingly mundane type of banter lies at the heart of romance. Love’s flames get fanned when a man and woman similarly employ words such as I, it, but and under in everyday conversations, a new study suggests.

Conversation partners’ related use of function words — such as pronouns, articles, conjunctions, prepositions and negations — augurs well for mutual romantic interest and stable relationships, says a team led by graduate student Molly Ireland and psychologist James Pennebaker, both of the University of Texas at Austin.

Unconscious verbal coordination of this sort, dubbed language-style matching by the researchers, signifies not how much two people like each other but how much each is paying attention to what the other says, Ireland and her colleagues propose in an upcoming Psychological Science.

Other evidence has suggested that unconscious mimicry of speech rate, emotional tone and mannerisms by a conversation partner increases how much that person is liked, he notes.

Function words tap into verbal coordination between two people because these words are independent of conversation topics and require shared knowledge to be used effectively, Pennebaker says.