Breaking the bandages of childhood
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28 Mar 2011 16:18 #1
by Rockdoc
Breaking the bandages of childhood was created by Rockdoc
It's understood that most if not all of us are prisoners of our childhood, meaning our parents instilled in us or we developed skills habits, methods of effectively dealing with various situations. Not all are desirable, and even once identified as being undesirable, breaking the shackles of those bonds is difficult even though their existence into adult life is a hinderance if not a downright destruction of what we strive for in adult life. For example, I mistakenly grew up under the impression that love was something you earned through effort. This fundamental misconception became an ingrained truth I followed for many years, always aimed at doing to please. While I intellectually understand the inappropriateness, the emotional response still wishes to manifest. The remaining question is how does one break our of such prisons most quickly? Your thoughts would be appreciated.
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28 Mar 2011 20:06 #2
by Rockdoc
Replied by Rockdoc on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
So is it true that no lesson is learned until it is purchased with pain?
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- ScienceChic
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29 Mar 2011 12:19 #3
by ScienceChic
As an somewhat relevant example, my hubby had a panic attack as the doors were closing for a flight home about 11 years ago. He'd been flying heavily for business already for 10 years at that point so while he didn't really care for flying, it had never really bothered him that much before this. No idea why the panic attack happened, it just did. He got himself through that flight with brute force of willpower, controlled breathing, and reminding himself that he'd done this a thousand times before and been fine and airplane accidents are rather rare. But then he had to face the next flight b/c his job requires lots of travel and he didn't want to feel that bad again. The positive reinforcement was making himself get back on airplanes and have a successful flight each time until his emotional responses matched his intellectual understanding. To get himself to the point where it didn't bother him involved recognizing his emotional response at a conscious level, acknowledging it, and letting it go, doing breathing to relax and repeating over in his mind the intellectual reminders that it would be okay, it's just like last time, etc. In the beginning, he wouldn't sleep at all the night before because he'd be so worried. As time passed, he was able to sleep, but would start feeling anxious during the day closer to flight time. Then it was only when he walked into the airport. Next, it was only as he got onto the plane. Finally, one day he realized that it hadn't happened at all in a while. That took about 7 years. If he hadn't had to face it because he didn't travel for work, then I'm sure he'd still have problems. If he hadn't actively addressed it emotionally and intellectually, it probably would've taken longer. If he'd used meds, it might not have taken as long, but we're med-minimalists.
How long any change in emotional responses takes in each person depends on the depth/severity of the issue, and how long it's been festering. He dealt with his immediately and that helped a lot. I myself have issues from childhood that I've been dealing with off and on for 10 years now and still feel like I have years to go because I let them fester for 20 years before even confronting them. Also, some people have a harder time facing negative emotions or objectively analyzing their own behaviors and responses, and rationally addressing them (they react rather than act proactively) so that will slow progress (I've done too good a job of repressing my emotions for almost 30 years so first I have to learn to recognize how they manifest physically so as to correctly identify them, then I have to stop being afraid of experiencing them - I experienced traumas that made me never want to let emotions control me - but accept that they move through us as waves and can be noted and let dissipate naturally. It's a slow process breaking down defense mechanisms that started being built in early childhood - everything gets ingrained so deeply that it's hard to untangle that part of you from everything else that makes you who you are).
In your case, feeling that need to please in order to earn love, it will take recognizing when you start doing something that falls in that category, stopping to listen to your body and recognize where, and how, which emotions are manifesting (whether good or bad), accepting and releasing them, then deciding that you want to do what you were going to do because you want to, not need to, and repeat until your body disconnects the inappropriate emotional response with the initial drive/action and substitutes the new emotion that you want to feel (eg desire to please because it makes you feel good to make someone else happy with no expectation of reward). The fact that you already recognize the the difference between your emotional and intellectual responses, and how the emotional response should be, is big. It's up to you if you feel like you can do it on your own, or if counseling would help it along faster. Does that make sense?
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
Replied by ScienceChic on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
Most quickly? The only thing I can think of is positive reinforcement, coupled with active engagement of deliberate thought, which a counselor/psychologist can help with. It doesn't have to be done with pain, but can be done to lessen pain that is already manifest. The process will go more quickly if you experience and reinforce positive emotional responses as often as possible.The remaining question is how does one break our of such prisons most quickly?
As an somewhat relevant example, my hubby had a panic attack as the doors were closing for a flight home about 11 years ago. He'd been flying heavily for business already for 10 years at that point so while he didn't really care for flying, it had never really bothered him that much before this. No idea why the panic attack happened, it just did. He got himself through that flight with brute force of willpower, controlled breathing, and reminding himself that he'd done this a thousand times before and been fine and airplane accidents are rather rare. But then he had to face the next flight b/c his job requires lots of travel and he didn't want to feel that bad again. The positive reinforcement was making himself get back on airplanes and have a successful flight each time until his emotional responses matched his intellectual understanding. To get himself to the point where it didn't bother him involved recognizing his emotional response at a conscious level, acknowledging it, and letting it go, doing breathing to relax and repeating over in his mind the intellectual reminders that it would be okay, it's just like last time, etc. In the beginning, he wouldn't sleep at all the night before because he'd be so worried. As time passed, he was able to sleep, but would start feeling anxious during the day closer to flight time. Then it was only when he walked into the airport. Next, it was only as he got onto the plane. Finally, one day he realized that it hadn't happened at all in a while. That took about 7 years. If he hadn't had to face it because he didn't travel for work, then I'm sure he'd still have problems. If he hadn't actively addressed it emotionally and intellectually, it probably would've taken longer. If he'd used meds, it might not have taken as long, but we're med-minimalists.
How long any change in emotional responses takes in each person depends on the depth/severity of the issue, and how long it's been festering. He dealt with his immediately and that helped a lot. I myself have issues from childhood that I've been dealing with off and on for 10 years now and still feel like I have years to go because I let them fester for 20 years before even confronting them. Also, some people have a harder time facing negative emotions or objectively analyzing their own behaviors and responses, and rationally addressing them (they react rather than act proactively) so that will slow progress (I've done too good a job of repressing my emotions for almost 30 years so first I have to learn to recognize how they manifest physically so as to correctly identify them, then I have to stop being afraid of experiencing them - I experienced traumas that made me never want to let emotions control me - but accept that they move through us as waves and can be noted and let dissipate naturally. It's a slow process breaking down defense mechanisms that started being built in early childhood - everything gets ingrained so deeply that it's hard to untangle that part of you from everything else that makes you who you are).
In your case, feeling that need to please in order to earn love, it will take recognizing when you start doing something that falls in that category, stopping to listen to your body and recognize where, and how, which emotions are manifesting (whether good or bad), accepting and releasing them, then deciding that you want to do what you were going to do because you want to, not need to, and repeat until your body disconnects the inappropriate emotional response with the initial drive/action and substitutes the new emotion that you want to feel (eg desire to please because it makes you feel good to make someone else happy with no expectation of reward). The fact that you already recognize the the difference between your emotional and intellectual responses, and how the emotional response should be, is big. It's up to you if you feel like you can do it on your own, or if counseling would help it along faster. Does that make sense?
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
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- Rockdoc
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29 Mar 2011 16:30 #4
by Rockdoc
Actually, SC, I've spent quite a few years listening and learning during family counseling sessions identifying various issues like the example I cited. It is NOT a painless experience by any stretch of the imagination. Simply the journey of discovery may be painful. Positive environments help reveal undesirable aspects of our personality we generally keep hidden or embolden us to face issues that are difficult to deal with. Certainly they can mitigate some of the pain, but as I pointed out before in another thread, pain can be the bridge to get you where you want to go, and at the very least become a teacher. Difficult as it may be, I've come to recognize that embracing pain can lead me to where I want to go much more quickly than through its avoidance.
Becoming conscious of an issue obviously is the first step to begin a healing process. Can't very well deal with something until you know what it is. Intellectually recognizing an issue and it resolution is much easier than accomplishing the same thing emotionally. As you noted, one needs to actively work on such matters. Personally, I'm not a med advocate and firmly believe that I have enough mental discipline to actively engage and conquer any issues.
What pisses me off the most is that it's taken me so long (several decades) before I've become cognizant of a variety of childhood related issues. Take for example, the whole matter of being seen but not heard. THe whole notion that one's opinion is not important may undermine one's career or education. For years and even today I still hesitate to express my opinion unless things are so asinine and no one speaks up that I simply can not let it go further. But many times in graduate school, I found myself hesitant to challenge or provide insights, simply because I thought others certainly would have voiced them if they were important. We both know such perceptions are crap, yet, it is what I practiced not only in graduate school but also throughout much of my career. Dumb. I'm still learning too and hope to continue to learn until I take my last breath. What is sad, is that all this wisdom and knowledge can not simply be inherited. I'm sure there inherited memories and wisdom are selected against for good reason, yet it seems wasteful to have that be the case. Again, a case of too little understanding on my part.
Replied by Rockdoc on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
Science Chic wrote:
Most quickly? The only thing I can think of is positive reinforcement, coupled with active engagement of deliberate thought, which a counselor/psychologist can help with. It doesn't have to be done with pain, but can be done to lessen pain that is already manifest. The process will go more quickly if you experience and reinforce positive emotional responses as often as possible.The remaining question is how does one break our of such prisons most quickly?
As an somewhat relevant example, my hubby had a panic attack as the doors were closing for a flight home about 11 years ago. He'd been flying heavily for business already for 10 years at that point so while he didn't really care for flying, it had never really bothered him that much before this. No idea why the panic attack happened, it just did. He got himself through that flight with brute force of willpower, controlled breathing, and reminding himself that he'd done this a thousand times before and been fine and airplane accidents are rather rare. But then he had to face the next flight b/c his job requires lots of travel and he didn't want to feel that bad again. The positive reinforcement was making himself get back on airplanes and have a successful flight each time until his emotional responses matched his intellectual understanding. To get himself to the point where it didn't bother him involved recognizing his emotional response at a conscious level, acknowledging it, and letting it go, doing breathing to relax and repeating over in his mind the intellectual reminders that it would be okay, it's just like last time, etc. In the beginning, he wouldn't sleep at all the night before because he'd be so worried. As time passed, he was able to sleep, but would start feeling anxious during the day closer to flight time. Then it was only when he walked into the airport. Next, it was only as he got onto the plane. Finally, one day he realized that it hadn't happened at all in a while. That took about 7 years. If he hadn't had to face it because he didn't travel for work, then I'm sure he'd still have problems. If he hadn't actively addressed it emotionally and intellectually, it probably would've taken longer. If he'd used meds, it might not have taken as long, but we're med-minimalists.
How long any change in emotional responses takes in each person depends on the depth/severity of the issue, and how long it's been festering. He dealt with his immediately and that helped a lot. I myself have issues from childhood that I've been dealing with off and on for 10 years now and still feel like I have years to go because I let them fester for 20 years before even confronting them. Also, some people have a harder time facing negative emotions or objectively analyzing their own behaviors and responses, and rationally addressing them (they react rather than act proactively) so that will slow progress (I've done too good a job of repressing my emotions for almost 30 years so first I have to learn to recognize how they manifest physically so as to correctly identify them, then I have to stop being afraid of experiencing them - I experienced traumas that made me never want to let emotions control me - but accept that they move through us as waves and can be noted and let dissipate naturally. It's a slow process breaking down defense mechanisms that started being built in early childhood - everything gets ingrained so deeply that it's hard to untangle that part of you from everything else that makes you who you are).
In your case, feeling that need to please in order to earn love, it will take recognizing when you start doing something that falls in that category, stopping to listen to your body and recognize where, and how, which emotions are manifesting (whether good or bad), accepting and releasing them, then deciding that you want to do what you were going to do because you want to, not need to, and repeat until your body disconnects the inappropriate emotional response with the initial drive/action and substitutes the new emotion that you want to feel (eg desire to please because it makes you feel good to make someone else happy with no expectation of reward). The fact that you already recognize the the difference between your emotional and intellectual responses, and how the emotional response should be, is big. It's up to you if you feel like you can do it on your own, or if counseling would help it along faster. Does that make sense?
Actually, SC, I've spent quite a few years listening and learning during family counseling sessions identifying various issues like the example I cited. It is NOT a painless experience by any stretch of the imagination. Simply the journey of discovery may be painful. Positive environments help reveal undesirable aspects of our personality we generally keep hidden or embolden us to face issues that are difficult to deal with. Certainly they can mitigate some of the pain, but as I pointed out before in another thread, pain can be the bridge to get you where you want to go, and at the very least become a teacher. Difficult as it may be, I've come to recognize that embracing pain can lead me to where I want to go much more quickly than through its avoidance.
Becoming conscious of an issue obviously is the first step to begin a healing process. Can't very well deal with something until you know what it is. Intellectually recognizing an issue and it resolution is much easier than accomplishing the same thing emotionally. As you noted, one needs to actively work on such matters. Personally, I'm not a med advocate and firmly believe that I have enough mental discipline to actively engage and conquer any issues.
What pisses me off the most is that it's taken me so long (several decades) before I've become cognizant of a variety of childhood related issues. Take for example, the whole matter of being seen but not heard. THe whole notion that one's opinion is not important may undermine one's career or education. For years and even today I still hesitate to express my opinion unless things are so asinine and no one speaks up that I simply can not let it go further. But many times in graduate school, I found myself hesitant to challenge or provide insights, simply because I thought others certainly would have voiced them if they were important. We both know such perceptions are crap, yet, it is what I practiced not only in graduate school but also throughout much of my career. Dumb. I'm still learning too and hope to continue to learn until I take my last breath. What is sad, is that all this wisdom and knowledge can not simply be inherited. I'm sure there inherited memories and wisdom are selected against for good reason, yet it seems wasteful to have that be the case. Again, a case of too little understanding on my part.
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29 Mar 2011 20:33 #5
by major bean
Regards,
Major Bean
Replied by major bean on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
Love (agape) is never a receiving action, but, rather, a giving (sacrificing) action. It is a demonstrated action where nothing is asked in return.
If a person has an infatuation or "need" for another person, that is not love. If a person needs for his "love" to be reciprocated, then he has not love.
If a person has an infatuation or "need" for another person, that is not love. If a person needs for his "love" to be reciprocated, then he has not love.
Regards,
Major Bean
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29 Mar 2011 21:59 #6
by ScienceChic
Ironic isn't it, how a positive environment can make us feel safe enough in order to dive into and uncover more pain (in the short-term, hopefully)?
What saddens me the most is that those I love, and who love me, have to suffer this imperfect, flawed person that I am until I move further along in my healing journey. It's not fair to them at all, who have played no part in my formation, but who bear the brunt of my inappropriate emotional responses, behaviors, and self-defense mechanisms. Sometimes, when I'm perfectly alright living with my pain, irrationally feeling that I've deserved it (which is completely ridiculous, and even though I understand that on an intellectual level, I still feel that way emotionally all too often) because it's almost all I've ever known, that thought is what keeps me going.
I wish you swift progress on your journey Rockdoc.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
Replied by ScienceChic on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
You're right, it is not a painless experience (again, me repressing my emotions and memories of emotions in dealing with my issues). The end goal is to let go of the pain that is held within. To embrace pain is to suffer, but also to find a source of strength. I find it harder to embrace/acknowledge/deal with some of the other negative emotions - guilt, sadness, loss, and especially anger. Pain allows one to internalize, use it to your own advantage; anger means acknowledging the other people who had a hand in causing some of your own problems (at least in my case), and that the future of your relationship with them might not be as [superficially] pleasant as it currently is.Rockdoc Franz wrote: Actually, SC, I've spent quite a few years listening and learning during family counseling sessions identifying various issues like the example I cited. It is NOT a painless experience by any stretch of the imagination. Simply the journey of discovery may be painful. Positive environments help reveal undesirable aspects of our personality we generally keep hidden or embolden us to face issues that are difficult to deal with. Certainly they can mitigate some of the pain, but as I pointed out before in another thread, pain can be the bridge to get you where you want to go, and at the very least become a teacher. Difficult as it may be, I've come to recognize that embracing pain can lead me to where I want to go much more quickly than through its avoidance.
Ironic isn't it, how a positive environment can make us feel safe enough in order to dive into and uncover more pain (in the short-term, hopefully)?
It is very inefficient how slowly we achieve wisdom. It's occurred to me that our species would be so much more advanced if we were able to directly, personally, cognizantly access the knowledge of previous generations. Maybe the individual journey is the thing?Becoming conscious of an issue obviously is the first step to begin a healing process. Can't very well deal with something until you know what it is. Intellectually recognizing an issue and it resolution is much easier than accomplishing the same thing emotionally. As you noted, one needs to actively work on such matters. Personally, I'm not a med advocate and firmly believe that I have enough mental discipline to actively engage and conquer any issues.
What pisses me off the most is that it's taken me so long (several decades) before I've become cognizant of a variety of childhood related issues. Take for example, the whole matter of being seen but not heard. THe whole notion that one's opinion is not important may undermine one's career or education. For years and even today I still hesitate to express my opinion unless things are so asinine and no one speaks up that I simply can not let it go further. But many times in graduate school, I found myself hesitant to challenge or provide insights, simply because I thought others certainly would have voiced them if they were important. We both know such perceptions are crap, yet, it is what I practiced not only in graduate school but also throughout much of my career. Dumb. I'm still learning too and hope to continue to learn until I take my last breath. What is sad, is that all this wisdom and knowledge can not simply be inherited. I'm sure there inherited memories and wisdom are selected against for good reason, yet it seems wasteful to have that be the case. Again, a case of too little understanding on my part.
What saddens me the most is that those I love, and who love me, have to suffer this imperfect, flawed person that I am until I move further along in my healing journey. It's not fair to them at all, who have played no part in my formation, but who bear the brunt of my inappropriate emotional responses, behaviors, and self-defense mechanisms. Sometimes, when I'm perfectly alright living with my pain, irrationally feeling that I've deserved it (which is completely ridiculous, and even though I understand that on an intellectual level, I still feel that way emotionally all too often) because it's almost all I've ever known, that thought is what keeps me going.
I wish you swift progress on your journey Rockdoc.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
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30 Mar 2011 01:48 #7
by Rockdoc
Replied by Rockdoc on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
Thanks SC, it is a never ending journey. There is always something to discover and improve upon. I really like what you said it not being fair to those who had nothing to do with our own issues, yet bear the brunt of our inappropriate emotional responses.
Dealing with emotional issues is difficult for men, likely much more so than with women most of whom seem to be more in touch. Even now as I read your responses, I can see how much more clearly you can express issues than I. Clarity of thought is so important in all of this.
Another thought that comes to mind is how poorly our culture handles wisdom. Our infatuation with youth and lack of respect for elders comes to mind. Fortunate are those kids who have a wonderful relationship with grandparents. I can't help but wonder if it is wisdom that grants tolerance and understanding that youth needs to experiment and be able to make mistakes and given such a perspective youth thrives and gains insights rarely learned in parental settings. Age grants wisdom and frees us from the mundane tasks of life, aspects not available to youthful parents trying to make ends meet. Consequently, we often do not handle parenting in the best way while young. I certainly would belong to that category.
Dealing with emotional issues is difficult for men, likely much more so than with women most of whom seem to be more in touch. Even now as I read your responses, I can see how much more clearly you can express issues than I. Clarity of thought is so important in all of this.
Another thought that comes to mind is how poorly our culture handles wisdom. Our infatuation with youth and lack of respect for elders comes to mind. Fortunate are those kids who have a wonderful relationship with grandparents. I can't help but wonder if it is wisdom that grants tolerance and understanding that youth needs to experiment and be able to make mistakes and given such a perspective youth thrives and gains insights rarely learned in parental settings. Age grants wisdom and frees us from the mundane tasks of life, aspects not available to youthful parents trying to make ends meet. Consequently, we often do not handle parenting in the best way while young. I certainly would belong to that category.
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30 Mar 2011 18:05 #8
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Certainly as one gets older, and has kids, the other side of the picture becomes much clearer as to why our parents seemed so naggy and difficult. Wisdom is heavily first-hand experience, and less from second-hand instruction, and if it's coupled with a reinforcement that youth are encouraged to ignore their elders "because they just don't understand", it delays that learning curve even more.
I didn't have my first child until I was almost 30, but even then didn't feel totally ready for that responsibility. I am dumbfounded at younger parents and how they manage, and better understand the divorce rates under those circumstances. Trying to figure out who you are, and get settled into a career, while being a wife/husband and mother/father is a lot for the psyche to handle. We humans have resilient brains and can adapt and multi-task well, but often something gets less attention than it deserves, to the detriment of the children or the marriage.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
Replied by ScienceChic on topic Breaking the bandages of childhood
You give me too much credit, but thanks. All too often, EM, while in the midst of an argument between us, will comment on how I'm trying to analyze and rationalize, and all he wants is for me to express my feelings like he is - almost a role reversal. If I'm decent at describing these issues well, it's only because I've dealt with them frequently enough that I should be better than I am by now!Rockdoc Franz wrote: Thanks SC, it is a never ending journey. There is always something to discover and improve upon. I really like what you said it not being fair to those who had nothing to do with our own issues, yet bear the brunt of our inappropriate emotional responses.
Dealing with emotional issues is difficult for men, likely much more so than with women most of whom seem to be more in touch. Even now as I read your responses, I can see how much more clearly you can express issues than I. Clarity of thought is so important in all of this.
I once read somewhere about the history of the development of the concept of "teenage rebellion" and it's glamorization/romanticization by our culture. It swung from "seen and not heard", children-as-worker-drone as the norm to children must act out inappropriately as they age in order to create their own identities and independence; there's no happy medium that's celebrated. I'm not sure if that explains the majority of the problems with kids not showing respect, or not seeking out and appreciating wisdom? It's something I've always wondered about - because of my issues, I never had a desire to act out and rebel (I never even snuck out of the house or drank or had sex or did anything illegal before age 18 when I lived at home because I was terrified of getting into trouble and couldn't understand my classmates fascination with being bad).Another thought that comes to mind is how poorly our culture handles wisdom. Our infatuation with youth and lack of respect for elders comes to mind. Fortunate are those kids who have a wonderful relationship with grandparents. I can't help but wonder if it is wisdom that grants tolerance and understanding that youth needs to experiment and be able to make mistakes and given such a perspective youth thrives and gains insights rarely learned in parental settings. Age grants wisdom and frees us from the mundane tasks of life, aspects not available to youthful parents trying to make ends meet. Consequently, we often do not handle parenting in the best way while young. I certainly would belong to that category.
Certainly as one gets older, and has kids, the other side of the picture becomes much clearer as to why our parents seemed so naggy and difficult. Wisdom is heavily first-hand experience, and less from second-hand instruction, and if it's coupled with a reinforcement that youth are encouraged to ignore their elders "because they just don't understand", it delays that learning curve even more.
I didn't have my first child until I was almost 30, but even then didn't feel totally ready for that responsibility. I am dumbfounded at younger parents and how they manage, and better understand the divorce rates under those circumstances. Trying to figure out who you are, and get settled into a career, while being a wife/husband and mother/father is a lot for the psyche to handle. We humans have resilient brains and can adapt and multi-task well, but often something gets less attention than it deserves, to the detriment of the children or the marriage.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
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