One of the things that I found helpful for me living in a pretty bad environment as a kid, was helping others! My mom never gave my sister Deb or I any attention growing up. She didn't know how, she was married to her bottle. All I knew at 10 years of age, I didn't want to be like her. I was ashamed of bringing friends home. I tried that once and she was staggering all over the place and talking nonsense, to my horror of course. My sister was drawn into my mothers bad habits, I was running as fast as I could to get away. So, in order to keep out of the house during the summer, I was hiding in the garage, or going over to friends homes. My friends parents knew what Deb and I went through, back then you never talked about it. I would help neighbors mow yards, trim hedges, do errands, just to get some praise for someone, anyone! I was known on our block for being one of the sweetest kids, at home, one of the most hated kids. I fought against everything my mom did as the youngest boy. So, you wonder with today's kids, how do they deal with their parents alcoholism?
I was visiting my uncle in Duluth, Minnesota 10 years ago, he was in his late 70's, both my parents had passed by then. He brought up the subject of about my parents heavy drinking. He said, "we all knew what you kids were going through", I looked at him and said "really!" "Uncle Chet, if you knew what was going on, why didn't you do anything about it?" Then I said, "did you know about the beatings that Deb and I going were through for years?" He said yes, he did, all your aunts and uncles knew. Back then, members of the family didn't dare get involved. He said he was sorry, yet..that didn't make me feel any better.
Bad habits can damage, and make lasting wounds. I feel its how we deal with them as adults, sure I could keep being angry at my parents, hold a grudge. That's not who I am. I am forgiving them and moving on. I learned a valuable lesson from my parents, and my sister. I have to take control of my actions, and encourage others they can do the same. Yes, it will take some work. If you stick with it, the results can be fantastic. I have helped many lose weight, some over a 100 lbs. They feel like new people, their families are amazed by the courage it took to stick to exercising. I have helped people rebuild their lives after a divorce. You don't have to be stuck in a poor relationship, if there is danger from beatings, drugs, or adultery, then don't let your spouses bad habits destroy you. Each of you have brought up some great points. The one question I would ask each of you is this? What was the hardest part of braking a bad habit. The planning, the accountability partner, seeing light at the end of the tunnel, what was the part that almost broke you? Just wondering..