NYC imposes a ban on emission of noxious gasses - Satire

In a recent controversial action, NYC attempts to impose serious regulatory actions.

Given the recent concern over the unproven theory of Global Warming, and due to the negative effects from second-hand inhalation, the City of New York, with the full support of Mayor Michael Bloomberg, is considering a ban on the emission of what it considers noxious gases. This legislation particularly includes a regulation upon those most inconsiderate humans, who choose to “fart” in any public space.

The city is contemplating the institution of regulations which affect all human bi-labial infarctions, or otherwise, a person’s intended or effectual emission of any and all gaseous effluent, resulting from any individual’s gastro-intestinal distress or disorder. The proposed ordinance further includes regulations on the consumption of certain foods, such as Kielbasa and Sauerkraut, Rice and Beans, Beanie-Weenies, and most all types of Mexican (Hispanic) cuisine. All in an effort to reduce the potential for the release of the most notorius, and most likely anticipated but, extremely noxious gasses.

The ban, which will take effect immediately, “is not only applicable to the interior designs of all city buildings or merely within the narrowly restricted confines of our individual workplaces, but also applies to the most open regions of the city, such as Central Park, or any of the other wide-open and inherently free and customarily considered, natural environments”, says Mayor Bloomberg.

“It may be difficult to enforce, but that is why we have included an amendment to the resolution that allows any resident of New York City to report another, for the probably unforeseen but, most unfortunate and still, discourteous emission of such obnoxious gasses in any public place.” “The included amendment will allow individual NYC residents to report others, even visitors to the “Big Apple”, for their particular gaseous emissions resulting from the most personal and individual, but obviously public, gastro-intestinal disorders.” Said Bloomberg.

“I think this a tremendous step forward towards the progress of local governments being able to regulate nearly everything our citizens can do”, said Bloomberg in an interview, which was originally intended to ascertain his illegal efforts to entrap citizens in Arizona from buying guns, which he feels are illegal, and are adding to the increase in crime within the City of NY.

This unprecedented step by the illustrious Mayor of New York City, places him among the most regulatory of all Mayors currently serving within our free and representative society of the United States of America. Quoting the Mayor, “this is the only remaining way for a local government to interfere with our citizens lives and to further violate their individual rights, which have been specifically endowed them, by their Creator.”

Whats that smell?

Nmysys wrote: Whats that smell?

BLOOMBERG

Malawi To Make Farting In Public Illegal



Tue Feb 1, 2011 3:27pm EST

It’s comforting to know that at least one country in the world has their priorities set straight.

The African nation of Malawi — the country you never knew existed until Madonna adopted a child from there to be used as a fashion accessory — is set to pass a bill that includes new laws intended to “mold responsible and disciplined citizens.”

By far the most beneficial new law is the one that makes it illegal to fart in public.

That’s right, farting in public will no longer be just rude and discourteous to others, it will now be a crime. Which means farting will go on your criminal record.

Finally, a government that isn’t afraid to take on the most diabolical criminals.

Say all you want about armed robbery, there really is no crime more atrocious than crop-dusting in a crowded mall, forcing innocent and unsuspecting people to breathe in the foul gas that’s been fermenting inside somebody’s bowels.

These nefarious degenerates should be locked up for good in a room without ventilation and made to smell their crime for the remainder of their pathetic lives.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/02/ ... 5720110201

About time. How wrud and hazzadus.

Ah yes, the "flatulence police". You should post an application form for the Flatulence Police Force here on 285 Bound. rofllol