The Art of Forgiveness

The Art Of Forgiveness (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When is the last time you heard someone say “I will never forgive my ex-wife. She can rot in Hades for all I care.” Or, “If Joe wants me to forgive him he better crawl on his hands and knees begging for it.” How many of us have un-forgiveness in our hearts? We just can’t let it go of the pain someone caused us years ago. It’s all too painful to dwell on the past so we try to forget and move on with our lives but we can’t.

We avoid thinking about the incident and refuse to get help with counseling or coaching and live day to day with unforgiveness in our hearts. We’ve all had someone in our past hurt us in one way or another. Perhaps your parents were critical of you growing up or a teacher wasn’t fair about your grades in high school.

These painful memories still can haunt you and leave you with anger, rage, or even bitterness. The purpose of forgiveness is to release the inner struggles that you are having with a specific person. You have to decide if you’re willing to let go of any and all resentment that is holding you back emotionally. Part of forgiving is not seeking revenge against the person who has wronged you. You have to let it go and move forward with your life. Can you do that? Yes, you can!

Definition of forgiveness: Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1][2] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’.

I have heard men and women who have gone through a hard break up or divorce who hate their ex’s. The offended person seems to hold on to a grudge and can’t let it go. Many of these break-ups have one of the parties wanting to get even and seek revenge. I think there are better ways to deal with anger than hold on to the past and look for ways to get even. When you forgive someone that doesn’t mean you forget what they have done to you or their responsibility for their actions. It simply means you are acknowledging the hurt but you are moving on with your life.

I know some people who thrive on being angry and bitter and they are difficult to be around and actually seem to love carrying a grudge. What happens when you bring unforgiveness into a new relationship? Usually, the new relationship is destined to fail. The right person may come along and you miss out on meeting that person or having a new and great relationship because you’re holding a grudge.

“But understand that the reason it is so difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have failed us is because we are unable to receive forgiveness for our own failures.”
― Emily P. Freeman

“Forgiveness is beautiful and it feels good when someone gives that gift to you. But it’s one thing for someone you wronged to forgive you. It was another to forgive yourself.”
― Kristen Ashley

Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Do you want to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions give me a call at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Art Of Forgiveness (Part 2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What does forgiving someone do for me? There are many benefits when we forgive someone that has hurt us. Once you let go of the anger and bitterness, healing starts to take place. You don’t dwell on the person or seek getting revenge. You free yourself of focusing on someone who has hurt you. Your emotional health will return and life will open up many missed opportunities of new friendships. There will be less stress and worries in your life. Once you let go and forgive the person who hurt you then, if you have been dealing with depression, you will start to see life differently and embrace new experiences.

Remember, forgiveness is an act on your part. It’s making a change from being a victim to gaining your freedom and moving on. I know some people who are known for the way they handled their separation and divorce who let their actions define who they were within their circle of friends and co-workers. Is that what you want? People will avoid you at all costs. Make a choice to forgive and move on.

So you know you should forgive the person who hurt you, but what if you can’t or don’t want to? That, my friend, is your decision. In that case, and it’s only my opinion, that person still controls you emotionally and holds the cards on how you feel about certain people. Is that what you want? I doubt it. So the benefit of letting go means you regain control of your life and move on.

I know that it’s hard to let go especially when justice has not been served. Case in point, I have a close friend whose sister and brother-in-law were sitting at a stop light on their motorcycle waiting for the light to change. They were rear-ended by a driver of a pickup truck who didn’t see them. His sister died on the operating table from massive trauma, and his brother-in-law was in ICU for weeks and is now learning how to walk again. Needless to say, my friend was demanding answers from the local officials and sheriff’s office. He wasn’t getting answers and was extremely bitter about the accident and her death. For weeks, I listened to him share his anger each time we talked. I saw the un-forgiveness taking place in his heart. I decided it was about time I shared with him my experience of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness and how I dealt with it.

“Forgiveness is really just another word for freedom.”
― Julie Lessman

“Sometimes a person needs to hear you forgive them so they can start to forgive themselves.”
― Rachel Gibson

Are you harboring unforgiveness and want to get rid of the heaviness it causes you? Do you have someone you need to forgive and just can’t let it go? Do you need to seek forgiveness and need to know how and when? Do you want to mend a relationship with a friend or family member and have hard feelings that you’ve been carrying for some time? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give me a call at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!