So you want to have an affair!

I wonder how many of you want to have an affair or have considered having one? What would this look and feel like? How exciting would it be to have an affair? If nobody knows, who's going to be hurt! Well, the truth of the matter is, many will be hurt, you, your spouse, children, family members and your close friends.

It may seem like fun at first, but then you realize that your not someone who sneaks around, your not dishonest, and you hate the guilt associated with being a cheater. Could you imagine what your children would say to you if they found out that you were cheating on mom or dad? Believe me, the people that I have talked to, are not dealing with the trust issue with their kids. The cold shoulder, the long stares, and the broken hearts are hard for parents to deal with, and no lover will ever convince you that the kids will be ok through your affair.

I watched a friend of mine, wife have an affair on him, the kids withdrew from the mother and really wanted nothing to do with her. It killed her that her children didn't want to see her or be near her, but she kept right on with her affair. Since then, she has been married several times and has no relationship with her children who now are adults. Is it worth it? I hope not, an affair is usually brief, takes everyone down with it, and leaves no victors, only victims. I have helped several people pick up the pieces of a broken relationship, its not fun. The broken hearts have to be a deterrent to most people. The only problem is they will see this after the fact, and its usually to late.

Having an affair may be exciting for a while, but most likely short lived, and very painful. I would say if your considering having an affair and have no one to talk to, I can coach you through the process of protecting yourself from the pain of having an affair and destroying your family and losing friends. How many of you have been hurt by your EX having an affair on you? Probably many of you!

Do you need help in restoring a relationship with your ex, or want to restore your marriage? Are you having a difficult time in current relationships and want to have a healthy balance in your life? Is life overwhelming and you need help in figuring out what you need to do next? Are you embarrassed about a failed relationship and just need to move on. If you answered yes to any of these, I can help you. When we are in the hurting stage of a failed marriage, break-up of a long term relationship, sometimes we need help to sort things out and figure out what to do next. If that's where you are at right now, give me a call.

If you have any questions please PM me for additional information.

Affairs are very painful to those of us who have been on the receiving end. Once trust has been broken, relationships can suffer and many never recover from lying and deceitful partners. Can trust be restored? For some, yes, but over a period of time. It's hard to understand why someone is willing to take the risk of losing it all by cheating. I know many are gun shy about getting into another relationship after being lied to. I tell my clients, go slow, heal, and learn to trust again over time. Thanks for your response and sharing.

Affairs are painful to all. It's difficult to forgive oneself. Not any place I'd ever go again and make damn sure not to get myself into a situation that is amenable to something happening. It's too easy.

Good advice Rockdoc, better to leave a situation that could get you into trouble, then to see where it goes. So many people think they can control themselves, yet give in to temptations. I know some clients who have said, "I can control myself", and find themselves in a affairs. Have someone you can call when your feeling vulnerable.

I think it depends on how the person having the affairs thinks about it. Some people just don't get the destruction involved and continually have affairs. And sometimes you have to just cut your loses and leave. Been there. But if people in marriages would think ahead like this and realize what is going to happen later, it could save some heart ache. Sounds like you have alot of good info Dr. Mike. Thank you so much.

CG, many don't have a clue to the consequences of their affairs, they are thinking in the moment. They get so carried away, time means nothing, the pain they cause others means nothing. Until they get dumped by the person they are having affair with. So, do you know what to look for in someone cheating on you? Here are some clues..viewers on this thread, please feel free to add of your own. I will add more signs on this list!

Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

There, I voted. Figured I'd dropped my drawers about my past anyhow so I may as well take your pole while they're down.