Why did you fall in love?

Last week I was sitting in a restaurant in Conifer, Colorado. As I watched my football team, the Minnesota Vikings lose to Miami, I over heard two couples sitting at a table just across from where I was sitting. They were arguing who are better listeners, men or women. It was very comical, yet both couples were reinforcing that neither men or women are better listeners, they kept interrupting each other. I have to say its a skill set that we all need to learn to be better at. Did you know that after 17 seconds of conversation with someone, most likely they will interrupt you!

I seldom saw my parents ever argue, but when I went to friends homes, well that was a different story. I would hear some of these parents scream at the top of their lungs at each other. I was extremely uncomfortable listening to adults verbal battles as a child. I don't like to argue, I'd rather listen and then talk the issue through, then repeatedly going over the same problems day after day, and getting nothing resolved!

Looking back when you met your spouse/partner, what made you fall for them? Was it their eyes? Was it their face and hair, maybe the way they laughed. There are many reasons for falling for someone. When counseling couples, I have heard some great reasons why people have fallen in love with someone.

One woman told me she had fallen in love with her husband, because he was so kind and gentle with her elderly mother and dad. He helped them with grocery shopping, shoveling snow, and would even bring them a meal from time to time. This woman loved this man, simply because he was a caring and giving man. His looks had nothing to do with it in the beginning of the relationship, it was his actions.

So why did you get married? Most people who get married have a psychological need to be with someone. Its a part of who we are, it's our desire to be wanted and needed. Think about this, with so many self help books on how to have a happy and satisfying marriage, why do so many marriages fail these days? There are so many divorces across the US and worldwide, and that number grows every year. You have seminars that promote communication in all relationships, there are seminars on how to be happily married. Yet, we see many couples failing in their marriages, and filing for a divorce.

I see it in my practice all the time, couples speak on different levels, or different love languages. In my counseling and my marriage coaching, I use Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages" exclusively in my coaching and counseling sessions. I have seen many marriages saved because of this material in his book. Seldom do married couples speak the same emotional love languages. He may need to hear complements to make him feel appreciated, she may need to spend quality time with her husband so she feels important to him. Over the next several weeks we will go going over the different love languages and how they affect us, personally and as a couple. This should be an exciting series of articles that can help your marriage relationship grow.

Do you want to improve your marriage and need help? Are you unsure what your love languages are and want to know more about them? Are you currently separated and want to reconcile with your spouse? Do you need a voice of reason that can guide you through the pit falls of marriage problems? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then maybe Marriage and relationship coaching is for you.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Why did I fall in love? Because I have a fundamental need to give of myself, to love someone unconditionally and be loved for who I am in return. My Sunshine is a gorgeous woman who arrested my attention the moment I saw here picture. Then I discovered an ease in communication, that we have a similar perspective on life, we have much in common in terms of likes and dislikes, her intelligence, playfulness and her acceptance of who I am? The later is the biggest gift I've received after previous experiences during which who I was was not good enough. Without looking I found it all and that is what makes me a very lucky man.

Rockdoc, You are very sweet.

I married my best friend. He knew my best, he knew my worst and vice versa - and friendship developed into more.

We've raised our children, and I think we will adapt easily to the next phase of life when they are fully out and on their own.

Great responses, best friends, is key to having a great marriage, along with great communication of course. Being accepted as who you are warts and all, is wonderful as well. I once heard a friend of mine say, "when you find someone who can love the unlovely, you have found gold in a friendship." He was so right.