The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
I remember this email from years ago, good times! Thanks for the reminder laugh!
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
It reminds me of a paper I wrote in college.....I was more of a science and math geek than a writer, and this was for a class in antropology, which I liked but had no idea how to write something profound on Margaret Mead and her discussions of primitive societies. So instead I did a statistical analysis of her findings based upon how many primitive societies she had studied, and the conclusions she made from those studies. Pages and pages of statistical analysis, lots of fancy numbers and the conclusion at the end that she did not have a statistically significant number of societies and therefore her conclusions were suspect. I got an A on it, I suspect because the professor didn't have a clue what the hell i was talking about. He did, however, tell me never to try that again.
archer wrote: It reminds me of a paper I wrote in college.....I was more of a science and math geek than a writer, and this was for a class in antropology, which I liked but had no idea how to write something profound on Margaret Mead and her discussions of primitive societies. So instead I did a statistical analysis of her findings based upon how many primitive societies she had studied, and the conclusions she made from those studies. Pages and pages of statistical analysis, lots of fancy numbers and the conclusion at the end that she did not have a statistically significant number of societies and therefore her conclusions were suspect. I got an A on it, I suspect because the professor didn't have a clue what the hell i was talking about. He did, however, tell me never to try that again.
Meta-analyses like this are great!
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
Meta-analyses like this are great!
