What distinguishes a fling that ends in tears from long-term love? Past research suggests that the most successful couples share common interests, values and personality traits. Now new research published in Psychological Science proposes that the simplest words lovebirds use to speak to each other also make a difference—both in determining how attracted they are and how likely they are to stay together.
James Pennebaker and his colleagues at the University of Texas at Austin recorded 40 men and 40 women as they participated in a speed-dating exercise in which they talked to 12 strangers of the opposite sex for four minutes apiece. [For more on how Pennebaker uses function words to reveal personality and other traits, see “You Are What You Say,” by Jan Dönges;
http://www.scientificamerican.com/artic ... at-you-say
Scientific American Mind, July/August 2009.]
The big question is whether individuals feel more aligned to others who already talk the way they do or whether they adapt their language to match that of individuals they really like. Pennebaker admits that both are possible, but he believes the latter is the driving force: language, he says, predicts relationship success because it reflects how well couples listen to each other.
"Now, more than ever, the illusions of division threaten our very existence. We all know the truth: more connects us than separates us. But in times of crisis the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.” -King T'Challa, Black Panther
The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is. ~Winston Churchill
We were just talking about some of this on [url=http://www.evergreenbound.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;]http://www.evergreenbound.com[/url].
Why is it we can't predict who we fall for? I always wish I could pick the one that I should, logically.
Communication is a big factor. Listening and being able to express is very big in relationships.
