So0mething to offend everyone

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...I'm going to take that.'

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

rofllol :rofl

What about the poor White Trash?

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough little hillbillies, as they could not afford a larger bed. The husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin/wife didn't want to have any more children and asked what could be done.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem, but it was expensive. "A less costly alternative is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabaman said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can, holding it next to my ear, and counting to 10 is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the Veterinarian.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in an empty beer can. He held the can to his ear and began to count...

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

rofllol :rofl

Martin Ent Inc wrote: I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you’re still black'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...I'm going to take that.'

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how

Priceless. rofllol rofllol I needed that laugh.