New Year,New and fresh choices

I would like to open a conversation about choices and the ability to MOVE FORWARD. I'm sure the topic is one that will NOT get alot of
input, because it is a DIFFICULT thing to do and the vast majority of the populace does NOT have the time to be introspective enough
to TRULY address the issue. The question,if you choose to answer,is............"WHEN does it make sense to cut your loses and move on?" HOW do you (collectively) arrive at that place in time that dictates "I'm done here and I need to move forward for my OWN well-being?".......for me, personally, I usually hit a brick wall of depression before I realize I MUST make a change.....(I wish I would
be more attentive to just HOW things make me feel before I slam into the brick wall).......life would be so much easier

I was in that situation. From 2000 to 2003 I worked for a large corporation. There was always a lot of politics and subterfuge, but when management changed in 2001 it got a lot worse - everyone was watching their backs. Most of us slobs were on 24/7 call and the pagers went off constantly. It finally came to a head for me when our manager asked for our opinions about a new project concerning website security (I'm in software development), and I told him point-blank that the proposed plan would not work. I was then deemed to be a "negative influence on the team" (btw, they went through with it and it DIDN'T work!). Up to that point I had always received 'Excellent' reviews and some awards - then all of a sudden I was a 'problem'.

Tried to transfer to a different department/team, but I found out years later that this was blocked by my manager as I was "too valuable for the team" to be transferred, WTF???!!! I think it was more like "too much sport to torture".

Mostly I stayed in my cube and just stayed heads down for a long time - the economy was not good at that time either, and my job payed well and had good benefits. But my attempts to just go in and "do my time" resulted in more "negative influence" as I was not wandering around shooting the bull, I suppose. Anyway, after several months of this I just decided that even if I had to flip burgers I'd be better off than the stress, the sleepless nights, the depression, and the constant "condition orange" living that I was in.

My co-workers encouraged me to try to stay on and make them fire me so I could sue them. They even wrote up statements (unsolicited) supporting me to potentially give to an attorney. One Friday morning after laying in bed for several hours not being able to sleep I got up, drove to work, cleaned out my desk, left my pager, key card, etc. on a manager's desk, and walked out.

Even though I was thoroughly exhausted and depressed, it was VERY difficult to resolve to walk out - no job, no income, no benefits...what if I didn't get a job for a while? I had never in my working life been assessed as anything less than a stellar, hard-working, loyal employee. And I had never walked out of a job. Worse yet, what would I say in interviews as to why I left my last job? But as soon as I walked out the door that morning for the last time I felt as if all the cares of the world were lifted off my shoulders!

NOTHING is worth that kind of stress and pressure! Life goes on! Your health, well-being are MUCH more important than any job or bad relationship or what-have-you.

One of the things that really helped me reach the decision to move on was my study of Buddhist philosophy - particularly the study of ego and attachment and their impact on one's overall wellbeing. It made me realize that I had much too much ego and attachment and self-identification with my job.

Sorry to be so long-winded. Hope it helps!

THANK YOU for your response......your experience sounds exactly like MY experience in corp. America (but I did have a union on my
side).....eventually it took 3 deaths within a 12 month period for me to TRULY look at the cost that was being exacted and I arrived at
the same decision you made. 17 years of trying to be a person I was not........I went thru clinical depression,got on meds and went
thru counseling and was FINALLY able to see another option. (slow learner I guess )

Not a slow learner at all! I would guess that you, like I, had ingrained from a very early age to "suck it up and not be a quitter". Never mind that the circumstances were killing us!