Who is that guy with the Chief?

Chief & the Ensign


The Chief was bragging to the Ensign one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name Someone, Anyone and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, the Ensign called his bluff, "Okay, Chief, how about Tom Cruise"?

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."

So they fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, Chief ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, the Ensign is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells the Chief that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," the Chief says. "President Bush," the Ensign quickly retorts.

Yep", I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots them on the tour and motions them over, saying, " Chief, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and that Ensign come on in and let's catch up.

Well, the Ensign is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to the Chief, who again implores him to name anyone else.

The new Pope," the Ensign replies. "Sure, I've known the Pope a long time." So, off they fly to Rome. They're assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when the Chief says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later, the Chief emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time he returns, he finds that the Ensign has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his side, the Chief asks the Ensign, "What Happened to him "?

The Ensign looks up and says, I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony next to the Chief ?

http://www.goatlocker.org/resources/cpo/humor/humor.htm

During a commercial airline flight a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true Sailor fashion exclaimed........ And all these years I've been chewing gum.

Master Chief And 3 Lieutenants

One day, a Master Chief went to the Officer's Club with his Captain to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was quite crowded.
They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them. They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned that he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.
The Master Chief turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience.
The Master Chief then told the Lieutenant on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed that this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Naval Academy. The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination.
He had simply observed the Lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.

Veterans Bar

Four retired Navy Chief's are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Veterans Bar" over the doorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn't look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred and says, "That'll be 40 cents, please." The four Chiefs stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other - they can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"

The bartender replies, "No doubt you've noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain't nothin' to write home about. I don't waste money on that stuff. But, here's my story. I'm a retired Master Chief Boatswain's Mate and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "Oh, those are retired Marines. They're waiting for happy hour."

Route to becoming a Admiral

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a
tightlipped smile, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims,

"Master Chief Petty Officer, United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."

Monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Chief Petty Officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have an Seaman monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the Customer,saying "That'll be $1000." The Chief paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can clean heads and passageways, perform routine maintenance on ship or hangar fittings, troubleshoot and repair complex avionics systems with no mistakes,well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a Petty Officer monkey; it can instruct GMT, CSTT, PRT, DC, 3M, PQS qualify the Seaman monkey and even do some paperwork. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Officer."
Barber Shop

In a small town near Washington, DC, a barber opened his shop for business. A young enlisted Marine comes in to get a "high and tight". The barber asked the young Marine about his service, and a lot of small talk takes place. After the haircut is complete, the Marine opens his wallet and the barber said, "It's on the house Marine. Thanks for your service to this great nation." The next morning as the barber goes to open his shop, there is a box on his doorstep. In the box was a note of thanks and a "SEMPER FI" bright red T-shirt.
That same morning a young Army G.I. comes in for a haircut. The same sort of story happens. They talk about the Army and other small talk. After the haircut is complete, the G.I. stands and reaches for his wallet. The barber says, "No thanks, son. It's on the house. Thank you for your service to our country." The next morning as the man is opening his barbershop, on the doorstep is a box with an Army ball cap and a thank you note.

That same day, a Master Chief comes in for a haircut. He is decked out in his full dress blues. The barber is impressed and again, the same things happen...small talk about the service. When the Master Chief goes to pay, again the barber says, "Not required, Master Chief, it's on the house. Thanks for your service to this great nation." You guessed it, the next morning, as the barber went to open his shop, there on his doorstep ... were three more Master Chiefs!

Old Salt

A crusty old battleship admiral died and found himself standing before Saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter welcomed him warmly, "Come right in, Admiral! You've served your country well and you may enter Heaven!"
The admiral looked thru the gates and stepped up to Saint Peter, "Just one thing, sonny. I hope there's no Chiefs here. They are the rudest, most obnoxious variety of human ever, and if there are any of them here, I'm not going in; I'd rather go to the other place."
"Don't worry, admiral," said Saint Peter.
"No Chief has ever made it into Heaven.
You'll find none of 'em here."
So, the admiral goes on into Heaven. Moments later, he comes upon an amazing sight. It is a swaggering figure in a khakis, garrison cap cocked slightly on his head, a mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand, and a beautiful woman on either arm.
Incensed, the admiral rushes back to Saint Peter and gets in his face."Hey! You said there were no Chiefs here!
So what the hell is THAT?!?"
"Don't worry, admiral," says Saint Peter gently. "That's God. He just THINKS he's a Chief."
The Head

A Chief and a captain happened to be in the head at an airport one day, both standing at the urinals. The chief, finishing first, proceeded to the door and was about to leave when the captain said, You know, Chief, we officers are taught from OCS to wash our hands after we urinate. The Chief responded with, You know, Captain, we enlisted are taught from boot camp not to piss on our hands. And promptly departed.

"The Genie"

A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next!" says the First Class. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the Chief. The Chief says, "I want those two back on the ship right after lunch."

"The Chief and the Gunny"

An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Mac Arthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"
"Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"

Where do you come up with these?

tongue:

HappyCamper wrote: Where do you come up with these?

tongue:

http://www.goatlocker.org/resources/cpo/humor/humor.htm

Chiefs are sometimes known as old goats. Thus the goatlocker.