New Year's Via Negativa Resolve For Life

So I'm running a little behind time here, as my parents just left this past Sunday after a two week visit, and my mother-in-law heads home tomorrow after a month of being here. It's always nice having family around for the holidays for the kids to spend time with them.

With that said, I'm finally getting to my New Year's post. I don't do resolutions. I find the change of one day to the next a poor reason to decide to do something; it has to mean something to my life and become a daily habit I incorporate because it adds value. However, I often find some nugget of wisdom from all of the material that comes out during this time of year and this year was no different. From my former boss, whom I respect and admire above most, this article that she shared on her FB page is nothing new, but I like how it is presented. I'd already taken much of this method to heart and started acting on these premises starting back in 2013, but this solidified for me that it was the right path. Especially if it's got quotes from Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett.

Via Negativa: Adding to Your Life By Subtracting
Brett & Kate McKay
January 5, 2015

It’s a new year and people all over the world are making resolutions on how they’re going to improve themselves. Usually these goals consist of doing something new or adding a habit to their lives: get back into exercising, start journaling, launch a side hustle, adopt the Paleo diet, earn more money, etc.

There’s nothing wrong with making these types of positive goals, but they’re not the only way to improve your life. Just as effective as adding something to our lives, if not more so, is subtracting the things that might be holding us back.

In truth, oftentimes the path to becoming a better man is found in following the via negativa – the negative way.

Via negativa is a Latin phrase used in Christian theology to explain a way of describing God by focusing on what he is not, rather than what he is; understanding Deity’s positive qualities is a task deemed impossible for the finite minds of humans.

Via negativa can also be used to describe a similarly “negative” way of improving one’s life; instead of concentrating on what you do, the focus turns to what you don’t do. This path has two main thrusts: stripping bad habits and situations out of your life, and avoiding bad habits/situations in the first place.

1. In his book Antifragile , Nassim Taleb argues that the best way for a person or organization to become antifragile (something that gains from setbacks and chaos rather than just survives) is to first decrease their downside. Downside consists of those things, people, actions, habits, or systems that make you vulnerable to volatility and risk.

2. Avoid Doing Stupid Stuff

3. Invert. Always Invert, or What Kind of Man Do I NOT Want to Be?

Another bit of information that I liked came from Jane London, recently retired radio show host of the [former] Dom and Jane Show on Mix100. If you aren't a subscriber to her blog, I recommend checking it out. She's refreshing.

So long, suckah!
Jane London
December 31, 2014

So, last year on this very day, I wrote a note to 2013 and told that year in no uncertain terms, how much it sucked. I kicked it in the a** and said good riddance; I even went on to say that I was sure that 2014 was gonna make me forget all about the challenges of 2013. I was right. 2014 was even worse.

And that brings me to the year’s large lesson.

Control: we have none. Planning: kind of a joke. Loss: inevitable. Time: dampens the pain and gives us perspective.

The biggest thing that I’ve taken away from this period is that I am now more in tune with other’s losses. I am a more compassionate and empathetic person and I’m able to express that now. In 2014, 9 of my friends lost their dads and I know that so many more humans suffered as well. The world has been a brutal, chaotic place for the past year.

Peace begins in each of us and in the choices that we make.

Peace be with you and in you.

With those two articles in mind, this brings me to what I resolve. I don't make resolutions, I resolve to just live my life this way, as I have been and hopefully a little better at it than before.

• I will continue to bust my a** every day working sunup to sundown and beyond. My kids will have no greater role model in seeing hard work, and in giving back to others. Service to others is the primary goal and underlying motivation for every choice I make.

• I will work smart, not just hard. Prioritize. Don't get distracted by the inconsequentials or the bright shiny objects. Become more anti-fragile.

• I will plan, but roll with the punches. Every set back is an opportunity to improve and become better than before. Don't take things personally, but continue to listen and adapt.

• Loss happens to everyone, it's something that we all share in common and connects us all. Cherish those whom you love by spending time with them, and making memories to keep and relive after they are gone.

• Find peace. I understand that the path to inner peace means letting go of all negative emotions, and of 'holding on' - to things, people, ideas, hurts, betrayals, etc that seem so important but aren't really...that one I'm having a harder time with. It's really hard to let go of bitterness when you see injustice and feel powerless to do anything about it. Maybe someday when I feel more anti-fragile.

My goal in sharing this isn't to insist that this is the right path for you as well, only to offer some insight that perhaps you hadn't thought of before for yourself and see if it makes sense to you. I wish all of you only the best success, happiness, fulfillment, and joy in the coming year and beyond, however you live your life. I am grateful that you choose to participate here with us, and I hope I get to meet a few more of you this year. We are definitely going to get back into regular gatherings.

Namaste .