New Al-Qaeda Recruitment Strategy

It's been a while since The Onion made me laugh out loud, so I had to share!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/alqaed ... -of,19352/
Al-Qaeda Recruiting Suicide Bombers With Promise Of Halfway Decent Job In Afterlife
March 3, 2011

WASHINGTON—Intelligence officials said Tuesday that al-Qaeda is recruiting a new generation of suicide bombers with assurances that martyrs will be rewarded in the afterlife with a halfway decent job, benefits, and a 401(k) plan.

While al-Qaeda has long reached out to disenfranchised young men with guarantees of a heaven filled with sensual delights, sources said new enticements such as a 40-hour work week and a $37,000 starting salary with annual cost of living adjustments, make blowing one's self up in a crowded marketplace significantly more appealing to the many chronically unemployed individuals in the Muslim world.

"By 2014, we believe al-Qaeda's new approach will be drawing hundreds of thousands of young men willing to annihilate themselves for the glory of God if it helps them get health coverage," Lowell added.

"The promise of a decent parking spot alone lures about 10 potential suicide attackers per month," Ellsbury continued.

Osama better hope they don't unionize later.