Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"
Why were the three artists late to the Impressionist exhibit? They ran out of Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
Rene Descartes goes to his favorite pub and the barman ask him "The usual?" Descartes replies, "I think not" and poof! he disappears.
Yo momma's so fat, the probability of her being in an arbitrary point in a room is 1
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side.
A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "hey buddy, you gotta help me... I lost my electron!" Bartender says back, "Are you sure?" Atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive."
A statistician, a physicist and a biologist were asked, "If you had 10,000 monkeys writing nonstop on 10,000 typewriters, would they write the Bible?" The statistician said "The chance is almost impossible." The physicist said "Given infinite time, they eventually will write the Bible." The biologist said "Ah, but one already did."
Three sons start a cattle ranch, they can't decide on a name for the ranch so they ask their father to suggest one. He said, "You should call it the Focus Ranch, because that's where the sun's rays meet."
One day Jesus is walking along the shores of lake Galilee when he says, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x2 + 8x - 9." A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter: "What, on Earth, does he mean by that?" Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."
