An Unexpected Counseling Session at 37,000 Feet

An Unexpected Counseling Session at 37,000 Feet

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had just nestled myself in my seat on a flight from Fort Myers to Denver, Colorado. It was a warm, sunny, balmy spring morning when I arrived at the airport that day; the birds were singing and flying overhead. Not a cloud in the sky, I said to myself, this should be a good, relaxing flight.

I checked in my baggage, went through security, and then headed to gate B-8. As many of you know, I enjoy watching people. Many of these passengers rush through airports, headed to unknown destinations. Many are deep in thought, focused on reaching their boarding gate. I like watching couples interact with each other, or how young children try to get their parents' attention. I notice hurting people with sad faces sitting on a bench, waiting for their flight. I often wonder what some of the pain these folks carry with them as they fly from one city to another. I heard one woman calling out to her husband, asking him to pick up some coffee for her, while another woman was calling out to her children. The airport was bustling with sounds and movement. It was a busy morning that was getting underway.

The check-in counter staff called for us to be ready to board. At the check-in, I handed the agent my ticket and walked down the galley way. I found my seat and sat down. The flight attendants were busy helping passengers load their luggage into the overhead bins. I watched several people walk by my seat, looking at their tickets and where they would be sitting. An elderly couple sat in my section, with the wife taking the window seat and the husband taking the center seat next to me. We exchanged our names and where we were from, and began talking, when the flight attendant started announcing the airline's safety procedures. I could hear some passengers behind me talking to each other, ignoring the flight attendants.

As we taxied for final takeoff, the older man was telling me about their extended stay at a nice hotel. The resort had everything imaginable that anyone could want. Great rooms, the finest food, the scenery was amazing, the weather cooperated, and what else could we ask for, he said. The wife was quiet and nodded in agreement with her husband. As we were well into our flight, he began to tell me about their 60-plus years of marriage. The ups and downs, and how he has worked hard on the marriage. The wife began to open up as well and shared some insightful perspectives. The discussion was now taking on her personal pain, which she had experienced with her husband. In fact, it was becoming embarrassing for him to hear her share. He kept interrupting her, and she let him know that his interrupting had better stop.

I looked at their communication style in this way. Some people need to share their personal issues with someone, hoping they will understand the problem. They want to get it off their chest and be done with it. I was the unknown person who sat in the aisle seat on the United triple 777 plane. I didn't know them, and they didn't know me. It makes it much easier to talk to a stranger who doesn't know you and to share their dark secrets and the pain that goes with it.

As he finally spoke, I asked him, "Can you complement your wife with two compliments?" He looked at me and just stared. I know he was trying to come up with one, but couldn't. The wife leaned over, looked at me, and said: "See, this is what I am talking about; he never says anything positive, it's always critical." He laughed nervously and tried to downplay her remarks. So, I asked him again, "Can you give your wife two compliments?" He stuttered and started making light of my question. She looked at him, waiting to hear what he had to say.

This man couldn't do it. So I started to help him answer: "Is she beautiful?" I asked. Oh, yes, she is! Is she supportive of you? She is, he responded. I suppose she's very kind and caring he answered. Great, I said. She needs to hear you say these things to her. He responded by saying, " My parents never said these things to each other. Well, my friend, that has to change, I said. She has made it quite clear she needs to hear these things from you. He turned to her and apologized for not meeting her needs, saying he would work on them. He looked at me and thanked me for listening to him and his wife.

This trip was more than a vacation; it was a counseling session at 37,000 feet. I always enjoy helping couples learn better ways to communicate; it's a lost art, I'm afraid. Listening is another form of communication; they both go hand in hand. If you need to talk, let me know. I'm here to listen and help.