What made you fall in love with your spouse/partner?

Last week I was sitting in a restaurant in Conifer, Colorado. As I watched my football team, the Minnesota Vikings lose to Miami, I over heard two couples sitting at a table just across from where I was sitting. They were arguing who are better listeners, men or women. It was very comical, yet both couples were reinforcing that neither men or women are better listeners, they kept interrupting each other. I have to say its a skill set that we all need to learn to be better at. Did you know that after 17 seconds of conversation with someone, most likely they will interrupt you!

I seldom saw my parents ever argue, but when I went to friends homes, well that was a different story. I would hear some of these parents scream at the top of their lungs at each other. I was extremely uncomfortable listening to adults verbal battles as a child. I don't like to argue, I'd rather listen and then talk the issue through, then repeatedly going over the same problems day after day, and getting nothing resolved!

Looking back when you met your spouse/partner, what made you fall for them? Was it their eyes? Was it their face and hair, maybe the way they laughed. There are many reasons for falling for someone. When counseling couples, I have heard some great reasons why people have fallen in love with someone.

One woman told me she had fallen in love with her husband, because he was so kind and gentle with her elderly mother and dad. He helped them with grocery shopping, shoveling snow, and would even bring them a meal from time to time. This woman loved this man, simply because he was a caring and giving man. His looks had nothing to do with it in the beginning of the relationship, it was his actions.

So why did you get married? Most people who get married have a psychological need to be with someone. Its a part of who we are, it's our desire to be wanted and needed. Think about this, with so many self help books on how to have a happy and satisfying marriage, why do so many marriages fail these days? There are so many divorces across the US and worldwide, and that number grows every year. You have seminars that promote communication in all relationships, there are seminars on how to be happily married. Yet, we see many couples failing in their marriages, and filing for a divorce.

I see it in my practice all the time, couples speak on different levels, or different love languages. In my counseling and my marriage coaching, I use Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages" exclusively in my coaching and counseling sessions. I have seen many marriages saved because of this material in his book. Seldom do married couples speak the same emotional love languages. He may need to hear complements to make him feel appreciated, she may need to spend quality time with her husband so she feels important to him. Over the next several weeks we will go going over the different love languages and how they affect us, personally and as a couple. This should be an exciting series of articles that can help your marriage relationship grow.

Do you want to improve your marriage and need help? Are you unsure what your love languages are and want to know more about them? Are you currently separated and want to reconcile with your spouse? Do you need a voice of reason that can guide you through the pit falls of marriage problems? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then maybe Marriage and relationship coaching is for you.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

Probably the major thing that helped foster the love in our life, was based on the ability for each of us to be totally at ease and comfortable with each other, from the first moment we met. It was not a frantic need in us to be wanted or desired, but to be able to let our guard down and see in the other the real person, not a facade in an attempt to put our best foot forward. It was just so natural, comfortable, and easy to be with each other. The best part of it is, that absolutely nothing has changed over the years. We don't argue, though we don't always agree, we work together each doing exactly what was promised in the beginning of the relationship.

All of my previous relationships were first based on lust, which is natural, the physical attraction. I think that is what brings most relationships together, the passion. But usually, when the passion begins to cool somewhat, one or the other starts to notice the flaws in the other that were overlooked in the heat of passion. But by this point in the relationship, it is too late, married, possibly one or two children, and life is much more complicated.

Don't get me wrong, there is and probably will always be passion between us, but that was not the basis of the relationship that started and now has been successful for almost six years. As a result, we first became the best of friends, we know it is basically she and I against the world, and we live it 24/7. I never understood the word, soul-mates, before our life began, but I know that is what our life is all about. I am not saying it is perfect, by any means, marriage or any other relationship, is a work in progress, and that never changes IMHO. Life can be complete, when shared with the right partner. I pray that everyone else can find what I have found, only wish it were earlier in my life, but I am smart enough to know that it comes when you stop looking so hard for it. It comes when it is truly appropriate for you. It is a blessing, when it truly comes.

Thanks Dr. Mike, for this wonderful forum.

I knew her for 4 years as a friend. Then I saw her in a dress and got a peek at her legs.

I asked her to a movie after I had regained my power of speech, and married her 1 year later.