I am not sure where to post this, but this forum seems appropriate. I lost a very dear friend a year ago and am still not coping to well with it. Each time I am reminded through whatever I am having a hard time accepting the loss. Any thoughts or advise?
I'm sorry you're sad and having a hard time. A year is still such a short time and healing takes as long as it does and there is simply no hurrying that along. For me, I try to remember that although the loved one is gone in the physical sense, they are still with us, right HERE, in all other senses. If you sit quietly and allow yourself to feel sad, in a moment, you will feel them. Quiet is the key and wait, not expecting anything at all. Remember the good times and the reason you love them. Then, know in your heart and soul that they are right here always, still loving you right back and you will feel what I'm talking about.
The other thing I believe is that when I leave this physical vessel, I'll see them again. I do believe that. Love never dies. It never stops existing and it never ends. It just looks, feels and tastes different at different stages of our existence.
Allowing yourself to 'wallow' and feel the pain that you do also helps. Because after a bit, you'll remember that your friend would have jokingly either smacked ya upside the head and told you knock it off or something else that would make you laugh. It's okay to hurt and it's also okay to let the hurt leave and to remember the happy good times.
It takes time. As much time as it takes, and there is no hurrying it along.
I wish for you, peace, light, happiness and love.
Namaste.
Jillian - It's now a year and a half since my husband died. Today, I bumped into a pair of his briefs and just teared up. I don't know when this will change. I know I will never stop loving him. I must accept the things I cannot change. I wish you plenty of healing.
I'm sorry you're sad and having a hard time. A year is still such a short time and healing takes as long as it does and there is simply no hurrying that along. For me, I try to remember that although the loved one is gone in the physical sense, they are still with us, right HERE, in all other senses. If you sit quietly and allow yourself to feel sad, in a moment, you will feel them. Quiet is the key and wait, not expecting anything at all. Remember the good times and the reason you love them. Then, know in your heart and soul that they are right here always, still loving you right back and you will feel what I'm talking about.
The other thing I believe is that when I leave this physical vessel, I'll see them again. I do believe that. Love never dies. It never stops existing and it never ends. It just looks, feels and tastes different at different stages of our existence.
Allowing yourself to 'wallow' and feel the pain that you do also helps. Because after a bit, you'll remember that your friend would have jokingly either smacked ya upside the head and told you knock it off or something else that would make you laugh. It's okay to hurt and it's also okay to let the hurt leave and to remember the happy good times.
It takes time. As much time as it takes, and there is no hurrying it along.
I wish for you, peace, light, happiness and love.
Namaste.
thank you for your kind words Loping Along. I know it does make me feel better when I don't "fight"the feelings, you are right with everything you said, she would say " go have fun, have a glass of wine, go hiking.... BUT DON'T BE SAD" she lived life to the fullest,but we had so many plans together and there is this void now.
serenity wrote: Jillian - It's now a year and a half since my husband died. Today, I bumped into a pair of his briefs and just teared up. I don't know when this will change. I know I will never stop loving him. I must accept the things I cannot change. I wish you plenty of healing.
Serenity, I am sooooo sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a husband. My heart goes out to you and healing prayers to you too
I absolutely agree with Lopingalong. You have to ride whatever emotion rises. I lost my Dad almost a year ago and my mare 2 weeks before that, in June last year. After the initial shock, tears, pain...I spent a lot of energy not thinking about it. The pain was too intense.
Now, almost a year later, I can hear my Dad's voice in my head. I can look at his photo. I can remember good times, laughter, conversations. It still feels like a vice around my heart, followed by immense sadness but like Lopingalong said, you learn to be quiet, with the pain and sadness. I let it wash over and pass thru.
I have a new horse in the pasture now. There isn't a single time I dont go out there and wish Indie would appear, galloping up to welcome me. I can still see her if I try really hard..... Lordy...I miss her.
We have to feel blessed to have had them in our lives at all. I know when it is my turn they will be there.
I saw this today and thought it may be healing for all of you
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put His arms
around you and whispered "Come to me." With tearful eyes I watched you,
and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make
you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,... He only
.................takes the BEST.... (Repost if you have loved ones in
Heaven)
I am so sorry for all of you to go through a time like this. Sending you all love and healing.
Royal Yoga, I do not know who recieves us as I'm a spiritual man, a scientist, who believes in the universe. That aside, the paragraph you posted so vividly describes us all. Loved ones we would like to have stay for our sake not so much theirs.
My mother passed away perhaps 15 years ago. "She was my fortress in the mountains, each time I looked into her eyes..." that from Seals and Croft, so acurately describes how I saw her. A sense of loss still remains today and when there is an opportunity (buried in NY and I'm in Colorado) I go visit her, shed some tears and talk to her. The loss of one loved so deeply can only be managed and acknowledged. The feeling should be addressed and not buried as it will never go away. If you (retorical) have difficulty accepting the loss, look at yourself and ask why. Is it because you depended, relied, or enjoyed so much that person? Speaking for myself, I the pain felt in the loss of my mother was because she was always there for me. I depened on that and loved her because she was my mother. She was in terrible pain when she died and my brother and I knew it was best if she would be released from her pain. Intellectually that mad a whole lot of sense, but emotionally it was unacceptable. I was very selfish (perhaps still am). Time has done what I could not accomplish on my own, allow me to accept the loss, cherrish her memory, thank her for brigning me into this world and teaching me to live life fully. And when I want or need to wallow in a feeling of loss, I think about her. When I close my eyes, I can almost hear my mother. 'You need to laugh at life when it gets tough. It's the best cure." (this translated).
I know she would be try to make me laugh if I felt sad about her loss. Tha is why she was such a fortress for me.
May all of you who are dealing with the loss of a loved one find peace. There is no one way to find it. Each of us must follow the road before us and when our paths cross, we can share what we have learned in the hope that one of us will find somthing we can use to help us scale the next mountain to which our path leads.
