Florida Bestiality Law Accidentally Outlaws Sex Entirely

Florida's Bestiality Law May Have Accidentally Outlawed Sex Entirely

There may be some terrible news to report out of Florida today, depending on how the state's residents have collectively decided to apply the basic science of biological classification to their lives. Last week, we noted some good news: The Florida legislature had finally passed a law that would outlaw bestiality and preserve the innocence of Florida's native fauna.

At the time, I posited that only shiny-pated grifter-Governor Rick Scott could possibly foul up the effort. But over at Southern Fried Science, blogger "Andrew" points out that the law's wording has basically outlawed sex entirely:

An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.

Click here for a handy visual provided by Southern Fried Science that elucidates the fact that human beings are smack dab in the middle of the animal kingdom -- by which he means the "group of multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia" and not the horse that won the 2011 Kentucky Derby (being "smack dab in the middle" of a thoroughbred horse is a situation the law originally intended to prevent).

Andrew ends with a quip:

So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.”

(As it happens, I already check with my veterinarian and local livestock breeder prior to intercourse, but my therapist tells me that this is a "fetish" that he'd like me to consider discontinuing.)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/1 ... h_Chambers

You can't make this stuff up... Only the "Church-Lady Republicans" could try THREE times to pass a law to outlaw something that only happens in some religious wacko's sick mind, and ends up outlawing sex entirely...

The Doofus-of-the-Year Award goes to:......[drum roll].... Florida Governor Rick Scott!

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Many forget we are only animals. Rick will have a difficult time living this one down.

Oops! Will that apply to Scott as well? I'm guessing if so, it'll get repealed really damn quick!

What I find fascinating is that there are obviously some Republicans in Florida that lay awake nights worrying about "bestiality laws".... THREE TIMES they tried to pass this before it finally got through!!! What is THAT about?!?!?!

(No doubt worried that the next sex scandal involving a Republican might turn up on the front-page with a picture on a sheep-farm?) (Sorry...couldn't resist...)

Opps! there goes those hanging chads!

Bright side? Outlawing sex will decrease the abortion rate.

...if sex is outlawed, only outlaws will have sex?

Well, in Florida at least, it would cut down on the number of Young Republicans....

He is obviously not a F***ing idiot, just an idiot.

Fun subject, but there is an update to the story...

UPDATE: Good news and sweet relief for the people of Florida. Per the Southern Fried Scientist, here's a "a slightly less humorous but technically correct" way of looking at things:

The problem with this interpretation is that the statute itself explicitly distinguishes between "persons" and "animals," prohibiting sex acts between the two groups. A court facing a question of interpreting the statute would almost certainly read the statute's use of the term "animals" as "non-human animals," both to avoid absurdity and to conform with (1) the intent of the drafters; (2) the purpose of the statute; and (3) a commonly used (if scientifically inaccurate) understanding of the term 'animal" to exclude humans.

And the link pokes fun at the governor without giving any evidence he has anything to do with the bill (and I haven't searched for it).

Still, what's the point of passing a law banning sex between animals and humans when animals can't even read it?

Rockdoc Franz wrote: He is obviously not a F***ing idiot, just an idiot.

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