Stupid things Conservatives Say

No matter what your politics, we hope you'll have a good laugh.

"When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." ~ Richard M. Nixon
"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ~ President George W. Bush
"The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." ~ Rush Limbaugh
''My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.'' ~ South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, arguing against government food assistance for poor residents.
"The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews." ~ Jerry Falwell
''Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.'' ~ Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina)
''We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." ~ Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." ~ George W. Bush
''Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.'' ~ Rush Limbaugh
"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Chanukah." ~ President George W. Bush
"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.'' ~ Rep. Michelle Bachmann
''The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.'' ~ Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX)
"He is purple - the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol." ~ Jerry Falwell's warning to parents that "Tinky Winky," a character on Teletubbies, may be gay
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ~ Dan Quayle
''The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.'' ~ Pat Robertson
"Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate." ~ Sarah Palin
"'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" ~ Sarah Palin
"Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments." ~ Sarah Palin
"What I don't know is what the unexpected might be." ~ John McCain
"We have a lot of work to do. It's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border." ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
"I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix." ~ Dan Quayle
"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president.'' ~ Ann Coulter
''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.'' ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann
"We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." ~ Ann Coulter
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ~ George W. Bush
"Do you have blacks, too?" ~ George W. Bush
''We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals.'' ~ Ann Coulter
"When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." ~ Glenn Beck
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." ~ George W. Bush
"Well, I learned a lot....I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries" ~ Ronald Reagan
''I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.'' ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" ~ George W. Bush
"Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." ~ Rush Limbaugh
"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." ~ George W. Bush
"Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions." ~ Jerry Falwell
"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." ~ George W. Bush
"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." ~ Jerry Falwell
''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.'' ~ Pat Robertson
"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." ~Jerry Falwell
"Facts are stupid things." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ~ George W. Bush
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." ~ George W. Bush
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." ~ George W. Bush
"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles." ~ Ronald Reagan
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ~ George W. Bush
"I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started." ~ Donald Rumsfeld
"She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!" ~ State Rep. Mike Duvall (R-Calif.) on a live mic referring to an affair with a lobbyist
"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." ~ George W. Bush
"I think I was unprepared for war." ~ George W. Bush

The oldies are the goodies, eh, RT?

Subject: Things you have to believe to be a Republican today



1) Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2) Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "We can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3) Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4) The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5) A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6) The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7) If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8) A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9) Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

10) HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

11) Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

12) A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

13) Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, (which includes banning gay marriages, censoring the Internet, and spying on its citizens in violation of the 4th Amendment.)

14) The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's military and driving records are none of our business.

15) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative talk-radio host--then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

16) What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

17) Lying about exposing a CIA agent as retribution for her husband telling the truth about "cooked intelligence" to get us into a war, (and then using surrogates to cover it up), is okay.



Pass this on. If you don't send it to 10 other people, we're going to be stuck with more Republicans in '08, er, '12....


"Friends don't let friends vote Republican"

"I saw my father march with Martin Luther King." (Romney's campaign later admitted that they didn't march on the same day, or in the same city)

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car

"My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

"You sit down with your attorneys and tell you what you have to do, but obviously the president of the United States has to do what's in the best interest of the United States against a potential threat." --on whether he would consult Congress about invading Iran

"I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I've been a hunter pretty much all my life." (Romney's campaign later said he'd been hunting twice, once when he was 15, and once in 2006 at a Republican fundraiser

"I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will."

"Hugo Chavez has tried to steal an inspiring phrase 'Patria o muerte, venceremos.' It does not belong to him. It belongs to a free Cuba." --invoking a phrase that translates to "Fatherland or death, we shall overcome," which Fidel Castro has used to close his speeches for years, and which is associated with Cuban oppression

"Well, the question is kind of a non sequitur, if you will. And what I mean by that -- or a null set." --after being asked during a Republican debate whether is was a mistake to invade Iraq

"We should double Guantanamo!"

"I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter. That's a good thing. I think it's important to get the views of moderates." --right before Coulter called John Edwards a "faggot"

"I'm not concerned about the very poor." Mitt Romney 2-1-2012

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Mitt Romney's 10 Dumbest Quotes--for now...

1. "Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend." —Mitt Romney to a heckler at the Iowa State Fair who suggested that taxes should be raised on corporations as part of balancing the budget (August 2011)

2. "I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." –Mitt Romney, using an unfortunate choice of words while advocating for consumer choice in health insurance plans (January 2012)

3. "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there." —Mitt Romney (January 2012)

4. "I'll tell you what, ten-thousand bucks? $10,000 bet?" –Mitt Romney, attempting to make a wager with Rick Perry during a Republican presidential debate to settle a disagreement about health care (December 2011)

5. "I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." —Mitt Romney, speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.

6. "There were a couple of times I wondered whether I was going to get a pink slip" –Mitt Romney, attempting to identify with the problems of average folk (January 2012)

7. "[My wife] drives a couple of Cadillacs." –Mitt Romney, campaigning for president in Michigan (February 2012)

8. "I get speaker's fees from time to time, but not very much." —Mitt Romney, who earned $374,000 in speaking fees in one year according to according to his personal financial disclosure (January 2012)

9. "PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." —Mitt Romney in 2007, responding to criticism from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals following revelations that he had once put the family dog in a carrier and strapped it to the roof of his car during a 12-hour road trip

10. "I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the America I love." –Mitt Romney (January 2012)

Bonus Quotes:

"I have some friends who are NASCAR team owners." —Mitt Romney, after being asked whether he follows NASCAR racing (February 2012)

"I like those fancy raincoats you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks." —Mitt Romney to a group of NASCAR fans wearing plastic ponchos at the Daytona 500 (February 2012)

"I love this state. The trees are the right height." —Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan (February 2012)

"I'm running for office for Pete's sake, we can't have illegals" –Mitt Romney, recalling his reaction when he learned that there were illegal aliens working the ground on his property, employed by a firm that he subsequently fired (October 2011)

"Who let the dogs out? Who, who." –Mitt Romney, during an awkward photo op with a group of African Americans kids at a Martin Luther King Day parade (January 2008)

"I'm Wolf Blitzer and yes, that's my real name." —CNN's Wolf Blitzer at the beginning of a November 2011 Republican presidential debate
"I'm Mitt Romney—and yes Wolf, that's also my first name." —Mitt Romney, getting his own name wrong (his first name is "Willard," and his middle name is "Mitt")

Subject: More things you have to believe to be a Republican today


You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all
on their own.

You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social
Security checks on time.

You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet
you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, what a woman
does with her uterus, and what your official language should be.

You have to believe that pollution is OK so long as it makes a profit.

You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha or the Goddess.

You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi-national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Obama.

You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you wouldn't vote for a
black candidate for president.

You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all
Americans.

You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that
Europe doesn't exist.

You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we ignore it, it will go away.

You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of
6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible,
which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.

You have to believe that Chinese, North Korean and Iranian missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all,
the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.

You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals in them because it
allows logging companies to add to their profit margin.

You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that
bastard Clinton should have been impeached.

A mighty fine display of hate by the left. I appauld your efforts - of course, it took very little. Ring the bell and liberal dog responds.

BWAHAHAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHA

Great post, keep up the good work!

Lady Jazzer & Photofish, dont you have a headache from all that? Everybody makes stupid comments. So you dislike Romney, who should be president in your opininon. Please give your choice, it does not need to be a current candidate. Heck nominate yourself or ViceLord

Hoot Owl wrote: Lady Jazzer & Photofish, dont you have a headache from all that? Everybody makes stupid comments. So you dislike Romney, who should be president in your opininon. Please give your choice, it does not need to be a current candidate. Heck nominate yourself or ViceLord

That's a great question...I'd like an answer too..with reasons.