Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object

I know it is the onion but...


http://www.theonion.com/articles/teenag ... ect,31061/

"ARLINGTON, TX—Calling the transformation both delightful and stunning, friends and family members confirmed Tuesday that 17-year-old Ashley Parker was blossoming into an absolutely gorgeous object.

According to Parker’s relatives, in the span of 14 months, the high school junior underwent a staggering metamorphosis from a young girl with thoughts, feelings, and aspirations into a truly stunning commodity.

“Ashley has really developed into quite a striking assemblage of physical attributes that are found to be sexually attractive in our culture,” said Parker’s uncle Keith Hayes, expressing astonishment at how his niece had steadily matured from a precocious youth into a shapely, ravishing thing devoid of intellect and personality. “It’s hard to believe that she used to be that little girl [capable of subjective experiences] that I remember. Now look at her—she’s such a lovely vessel for displaced sexual frustration and voyeuristic lust, just like her mother.”"................

[sarcasm]They grow up so fast...[/sarcasm]

I'm hoping that this is a staged photo involving a temporary tattoo and parents with a warped sense of humor.

It's the Onion

MsMAM wrote: It's the Onion

[sarcasm]Are you suggesting that The Onion isn't real news? A pox upon you and those of your ilk for disrespecting a reputable news agency.[/sarcasm]

otisptoadwater wrote:

MsMAM wrote: It's the Onion

[sarcasm]Are you suggesting that The Onion isn't real news? A pox upon you and those of your ilk for disrespecting a reputable news agency.[/sarcasm]

All I know is that it is America's finest news source.

:rofllol [sarcasm]You realize it's people like you that cause unrest. Honestly, this picture and its implications are an affront to every law abiding citizen in the nation of the United States of America![/sarcasm]

Biden Scores 800 Feet Of Copper Wire

WASHINGTON—Calling it a “major-ass haul” that would provide “some much-needed scratch,” Vice President Joe Biden reportedly scored over 800 feet of copper wire from a foreclosed home in the D.C. suburbs, White House sources confirmed Thursday.

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

NORFOLK, VA—According to numerous reports, local 62-year-old Earl Bailey, who owns a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition, is currently the last bastion of defense between the United States of America and the federal government’s plot of a full-scale takeover.

Apple Announces Plans For New iPad With Extra Storage Drawer

CUPERTINO, CA—In what tech giant Apple is calling a “major leap forward” for one of its most beloved products, the company announced Tuesday it would begin selling a new version of its popular iPad tablet with an extra attached storage drawer. “Featuring a stunning 9.7-inch Retina display, super-fast wireless performance, and a 5-inch-deep pull-out drawer, the iPad 4D is our most high-performance model to date,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said in a press release, adding that the sleek new drawer has a stainless-steel handle and comes in either white or black. “With slick ball-bearing slides and an ultra-light frame, the 4D can easily carry photographs, pens, calculators, legal pads, iPhones, and other personal belongings. Life just got a whole lot better, iPad users.” At press time, retail prices of the iPad 4D had dropped considerably on rumors that the company planned to release a mid-priced 4-inch-deep model as early as September.

I suppose this would not be the thread to boast that my 9 yr old granddaughter has a job modeling for a company that markets temporary tattoos to young girls. She has been photographed for magazine and online marketing.....we're hoping for a TV ad soon.....and, of course, all the free temporary tattoos she wants.