The "Art" of Deception

This meme is one I created a long time ago that I used to begin my adult education classes with. The "Think About It" at the bottom in all caps isn't meant to be anything but giving pause for thought on how we individually approach discussions in every walk of our lives.

There have been some on this site who assert others use deception, deflection, denial, and more in their posts. I think we're all "guilty" of this in one way or another.

So what does this mean to you, exactly? Are we being deceitful in our postings? Do we deflect? Are we intentionally being obtuse in our responses to each other?

And, arguably more important than that, is there anything that each of us can do to try to prevent this? Should there be?

Just askin'.

ZHawke wrote:
So what does this mean to you, exactly? Are we being deceitful in our postings? Do we deflect? Are we intentionally being obtuse in our responses to each other?

And, arguably more important than that, is there anything that each of us can do to try to prevent this? Should there be?

Just askin'.

1. I only post what I believe to be true and have no need to be deceitful in what I say.
2. If I do deflect, it is to make a counter point that I feel is related to the subject, but I will not run from the subject and refuse to answer a direct question if my response is seen as a deflection. Try me.
3. Just because I don't understand the "logic" in one's comment, that doesn't mean I'm deliberately being "obtuse". I really want to understand people who have views that are opposite to my own... I've been struggling with this issue for 20 years with my dad.

4.How do we prevent this? It depends on the parties involved in the discussion does it not? You and I can have a civil debate, but that is not possible with me and LJ or VL. I can only be sensitive and open minded to a point... the point where I'm having to wade through insults and snide remarks is where my civility and understanding ends. I also realize that insults and snide remarks are subjective.

Part of the problem is that most of the liberals on these forums are women and most of the conservatives are men. I've been married for 22 years and still don't understand how my wife thinks (or my daughters for that matter

See, it's just that simple... it takes two willing participants for a debate.

A post was split out and moved here .

Rick wrote: 4.How do we prevent this? It depends on the parties involved in the discussion does it not? You and I can have a civil debate, but that is not possible with me and LJ or VL.

Can we leave LJ and VL out of this. They're no longer here, so why is that such an issue?

As to the rest of your post, truth is I believe we all believe we are being very clear in what we write and what we say. There are several memes I like to think I pay particular attention to whenever I post in a forum. Enjoy:

And, probably the most important one from my perspective:

Sure, all of us are "guilty" because every single one of us, based on our upbringing, experiences, lifestyle, and a multitude of other outside and internal influences has our own point of view...and it is solely ours...no one else can see through our eyes, hear through our ears, or feel through our hearts.

Are we being deceitful in our postings? Maybe. How often when someone asks "How are you?" do you answer completely truthfully? "Well, my hemorrhoids are acting up and my IBS kept me awake all night last night and we don't even want to start talking about my bunions..." Most of the time we respond with "Good" or "Well". It is easier to be completely truthful when typing on a message board...well, for me it is, 'cuz I'm not face-to-face with anyone and I'm not seeing their faces when they read my words so I don't know if they are ridiculing me or laughing at what I said or nodding in agreement. If I were to meet anyone from this site that I had words with, I'd probably not remember the words unless I was reminded of them.

Do we deflect? Sure. Who graciously acknowledges being wrong or making a mistake? I will...but I try to wiggle out of being wrong before I admit it. Furthermore, a lot of the sources or long dissertations...I'll be honest, I only read the first few lines, then I skim over the rest of it...I want to read what I want to read and if it doesn't jive with my viewpoints, then it doesn't matter.

Are we being intentionally obtuse? Sure...in my case, partly 'cuz I cannot see the individual's face and I read the words for what they are and try not to read anything in to them...or I do read into them intentionally 'cuz I like being the devil's advocate. Again, it is easier to be slow-witted intentionally then to accept and own being wrong.

And, arguably more important than that, is there anything that each of us can do to try to prevent this? Yes. Pay more attention to the message versus the words. I've seen too many times where the viewpoints are essentially the same and the argument/discussion is still happening. In some cases, there comes a point where "agreeing to disagree" is OK. Wouldn't the world be boring if we all held the same viewpoint about all subjects?

Should there be? When it comes to denigrating, name calling, and threats...that's when, in my mind, the line has been crossed and I cease the dialog. Calling the individual that is being disrespectful out is one way to try to prevent this...but do it in a respectful manner by using the Confrontation format..."when you called me that name, I felt anger (or whatever). I wish you would not call me names." After that has been done, then let it go.

Two things I've found are very prickly subjects: Politics and religion, so unless I know the person or people I'm talking with about those subjects and I've no doubt that the discussion will be respectful, I will not engage. I don't talk about evolution with my best friend because our viewpoints are totally and completely different and neither one will change...so I just don't talk with her about it. And that is OK because we have a whole lot of other things to talk about and that one subject doesn't define our relationship.

Thanks Z for asking...

Very well said, very well written, ComputerBreath. Thank you!