woof-woof-meow-tweet - rules, tips and funnies to share

All of these fun rules can be viewed at http://www.angelfire.com/ca3/glenglo/dogrules.html

Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard to Protect

Basic Rules for Dogs Laid down by their Owners

Mind Games to Play with Humans

*** THINGS WE CAN TEACH OUR HUMANS ***

You Know You're a Dog Person When …

You can’t see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose prints all over the inside.
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don’t.
You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog needs its walk.
You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night.
You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).
You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all its favorite spots.
You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she understands.
Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don’t.
You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
You’d rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.
You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it’s one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.
You don’t think it’s the least bit strange to stand in the back yard chirping “Meg, pee!” over and over again, while Meg tends to play and forget what she’s out there for (but what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.
You have your dog’s picture on your office desk (but no one else’s).
You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.
You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
You don’t go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog.
Your friend’s dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.
Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both days).
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.
When you get your latest roll of film and there isn’t a single picture of a two-legged person in it…

I copied this article a while ago and of course I filed it away in my "OMG this is hysterical" I have to save this. I wish I could remember where I found it so I could give the source their credit. If you know, please feel free to share the source and I will edit the post. Thank you, and thank you author for giving side-splitting laughter every time I read this. rofllol :snoopy

So your BFFs can read this... post VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

How to Photograph a Puppy

November 08th 2006 Posted in Dogs, Dogs Funny Tails http://www.funnypetstorys.com/category/dogs/dogs-funny-tails/page/3/

Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say “No..outside!”
Call someone to help clean up the mess.
Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” first thing next morning.

285critters bff wrote: How to Photograph a Puppy

November 08th 2006 Posted in Dogs, Dogs Funny Tails http://www.funnypetstorys.com/category/dogs/dogs-funny-tails/page/3/

Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say “No..outside!”
Call someone to help clean up the mess.
Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” first thing next morning.

cute post!

Is Pet Insurance Right For Your And Your Pet?
Posted September 13th, 2010 by John Kirzno
http://notailsfarm.com/dogtraining/


Today more and more pet owners are considering pet insurance, but is this something that is right for you and your pet? Well, you need to carefully consider both sides of the situation. One the one hand, you could pay several thousand on insurance over the life of your pet, but in many cases, if your pet ends up having an accident or is injured, it could end up saving you thousands of dollars as well.

One reason that this type of insurance may be the best choice for you and your pet is because of the new treatments available that are very costly. Veterinary science has changed and progressed a lot in the last few years, and today there are more treatment options than ever. The only problem is that these treatments are extremely expensive and can cost thousands of dollars for your pet. If you are willing to do anything to treat your pet, then this insurance can be a good option for you.

Of course, you need to consider the deductibles, surcharges, and exclusions that can come along with pet insurance. Most of the plans out there come with deductibles, as well as co-pays that you have to shell out. There are often limits as to how much the company will pay out on a yearly basis too. In many cases, hereditary conditions and problems that were pre existing will not be covered. You’ll pay more for coverage the older your pet is as well.

If you don’t think you will have the money on hand to pay for a pet emergency, then the insurance may be a great option for you and your pet. However, it is definitely important that you choose your insurance very carefully before making the final purchase. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

- Take time to Shop Around – The first thing to do is to shop around. There are many different policy options and the premiums also may vary. Take a look at the cost, the co-pays, deductibles, and any other things you may need to pay for. Find out if discounts are available for insuring more than one animal as well. Look for a quality plan for a reasonable price.

- Look at Exclusions – It’s important that you look at the exclusions that insurance policies may have as well. Many times you’ll find that it is the conditions that are likely to hit your pet that will be excluded from many policies.

- Check Into the Company – Before you decide to work with a specific company, check into the company and make sure that they are registered with your state. Check into their financial status as well.

Pet insurance can definitely save you a lot of money over time if you find a quality policy. If you want to make sure your pet gets the best possible care, then the insurance may be the right choice for you.

GuardMyPet offers a cheap pet insurance program benefits for your pet to give you peace of mind. Diseases and accidents are very costly with veterinarian charges, so we chose to offer our customers the most popular cheap pet insurance in the industry, and is available at affordable rates.

Now this guy is truly a critter bff - his tip on reindeer care is too funny...

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/992245/funny_holiday_pet_tips/

This is a great link for Dog Friendly Trails in Colorado.
If your dog likes to ruff it, bring Fido hiking the next time you're craving a little adventure. Our dog friendly hiking section includes everything from easy one-hour walks to fantastic overnight trips that won't be soon forgotten. Seriously, go take a hike!

http://www.bringfido.com/attraction/trails/state/colorado/

I just had to share this with the 285Bounders -

Top 10 Peeves Dogs Have With Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo oooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Do you have a peeve dogs have with humans? Share them with us! Go to the link below and take our poll.

http://www.petplace.com/polls.aspx?pi=19&utm_source=dogcrazynews001et&utm_medium=email&utm_content=petplace_article&utm_campaign=dailynewsletter

Source of the Top 10 Pet Peeves:
http://www.petplace.com/dogs/top-10-peeves-dogs-have-with-humans/page1.aspx?utm_source=dogcrazynews001et&utm_medium=email&utm_content=petplace_article&utm_campaign=dailynewsletter

LOL Critters