This blog post by Jane London resonated with me this morning, as I've been pondering something along these lines lately. As we were driving in the car after a yummy sushi lunch together, I told my hubby last week that I finally figured out my problem, to which he replied,
after he could breathe from laughing so hard, "Only one? And it explains EVERYTHING?" ;)
I'm too damn competitive. Actually, no, I take that back. I am competitive. Period. I am not an overboard and obnoxious asshole competitor (you know the kind, the ones who throw a temper tantrum because they came in 2nd across that finish line and complain to others that they were treated unfairly when in reality they had access to the very same opportunities and just didn't get it done. The victims who operate by trying to drag others down to their level of negativity and status quo rather than working to build/become something positive, new, better, and amazing), but I refuse to back down, rest, take a break, or stop working to be the best. I'm not unethical or trying to undermine the competition to get ahead, I just work harder to be better. It means I put in loooonnnnggg hours, take on a ton because I see so much to be done to improve life for others and myself, and I try to be grateful and enjoy every minute b/c there's only that moment.
That being said, this great blog post by Jane London pretty well summed up what I think of myself. I am just not that nice. I used to be that nice, but I was always angry at being walked all over, treated like shit, and used, and that's no way to live life. Now I try to find the balance of being nice, sticking up for myself when need be, and calling bullshit when I see and hear it. And if it's loud, upfront, and uncomfortable for you, too damn bad.
That's how things get fixed and improved. I will stick up for myself and others. I am a truth teller and a truth seeker, and I smite hypocrites and liars.
Without further ado, the lesson:
"I realized that I had begun my spiritual study to calm myself. To tone me down. To turn me into a warm, nurturing, earth motherly person, exuding love and kindness and comfort to all. Those are such worthy goals and aspirations, but it’s not me.
Not even down really, really deep. I’m a truth seeker and a truth teller. I have been since I was old enough to remember. I have to know “why” about everything. I have to dig deeper and deeper into everything.
There are a lot of wonderful, nurturing people in the world. They are unconditionally kind and compassionate and as much as I want to be that person, I am not. And on behalf of other people who are more like me, I will say THANK YOU to all of those who throw that generosity out into the world. Without you, we’d REALLY be fucked.
I question authority and challenge the status quo.
So, while I strive to be kind, compassionate and empathetic (I’m really good at the empathy part), I have to be me. Moving forward, I feel that I’m here to prod people to think more; to get in touch with their souls and to open their eyes to the truths of modern life."
Here's to the prodding. Mind your step and pick up the pace, lest you feel the sting, cuz Imma keep on pushin'. Namaste bitches. :)