Not sure What to do...

Ladies & Gents: I'm asking for advice:

I woke up this past Saturday, 27 Jul 13 to find a refusal of ambulance transport signed by my 25 year old son...so I went into his room and asked if he was OK. He said he hadn't slept and had a raging headache. He didn't remember signing the form, or what happened from about 10:30 Friday night until 4 am Saturday morning. So we decided to find out what happened.

On the way to his work, a couple local cops saw us and asked my son if he was OK...he asked them what happened that he didn't remember, and they said he'd been slugged in the back of the head by a young lad (18 or 19 years old) and that there was a warrant out for his arrest for the assault. We went to his work and verified what happened, then after some prodding from me and a family friend, and after verifying that workman's comp would pay for the ER trip, we decided my son needed to see a doc. The doc said he had a concussion.

So the kid was arrested and got out of jail yesterday...there is a no contact order on him.

Where I'm torn is this: there is a young lady (22 years old) living at my house who is friends with this kid. Sometime within the last 6 to 8 weeks, my son banned him from the property 'cuz apparently he's using meth. This young lady allowed him on the property and encouraged him to climb in her bedroom window to come inside; I didn't know this 'til she told me the day he was arrested. So the whole time he was in jail she was saying how much she missed him and couldn't wait for him to get out and at one point said that "they were thinking of charging my son with a bias crime" 'cuz apparently he called the kid a faggot right before he was assaulted.

Am I wrong to feel disrespected by this young lady?

I'm thinking that there are going to be problems with the court system should she continue to live at my house, but since I've no experience with the court systems, I'm not sure.

ComputerBreath wrote: Ladies & Gents: I'm asking for advice:

I woke up this past Saturday, 27 Jul 13 to find a refusal of ambulance transport signed by my 25 year old son...so I went into his room and asked if he was OK. He said he hadn't slept and had a raging headache. He didn't remember signing the form, or what happened from about 10:30 Friday night until 4 am Saturday morning. So we decided to find out what happened.

On the way to his work, a couple local cops saw us and asked my son if he was OK...he asked them what happened that he didn't remember, and they said he'd been slugged in the back of the head by a young lad (18 or 19 years old) and that there was a warrant out for his arrest for the assault. We went to his work and verified what happened, then after some prodding from me and a family friend, and after verifying that workman's comp would pay for the ER trip, we decided my son needed to see a doc. The doc said he had a concussion.

So the kid was arrested and got out of jail yesterday...there is a no contact order on him.

Where I'm torn is this: there is a young lady (22 years old) living at my house who is friends with this kid. Sometime within the last 6 to 8 weeks, my son banned him from the property 'cuz apparently he's using meth. This young lady allowed him on the property and encouraged him to climb in her bedroom window to come inside; I didn't know this 'til she told me the day he was arrested. So the whole time he was in jail she was saying how much she missed him and couldn't wait for him to get out and at one point said that "they were thinking of charging my son with a bias crime" 'cuz apparently he called the kid a faggot right before he was assaulted.

Am I wrong to feel disrespected by this young lady?

I'm thinking that there are going to be problems with the court system should she continue to live at my house, but since I've no experience with the court systems, I'm not sure.

I do not think so. Sounds to me that there could be problems with or without the court system.

I looked up bias crime. Sounds to me like it is a state of mind when you are committing a crime. I do not think getting hit in the head is a crime.

Caveat, I am not a lawyer and the older I get the less the world makes sense

http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictiona ... bias+crime

Inasmuch as the young lady in question knew the kid wasn't welcome on the property, showed her knowledge of that by sneaking him in through a window, I would have her remove herself from the property immediately. She has already disrespected your home and I wouldn't give her another chance to do it again. Your priority at this point is your son, not two unrelated people. A concussion serious enough to cause his memory lapse is serious stuff.

Mtn Gramma wrote: Inasmuch as the young lady in question knew the kid wasn't welcome on the property, showed her knowledge of that by sneaking him in through a window, I would have her remove herself from the property immediately. She has already disrespected your home and I wouldn't give her another chance to do it again. Your priority at this point is your son, not two unrelated people. A concussion serious enough to cause his memory lapse is serious stuff.

Very well said.

Mtn Gramma wrote: Inasmuch as the young lady in question knew the kid wasn't welcome on the property, showed her knowledge of that by sneaking him in through a window, I would have her remove herself from the property immediately. She has already disrespected your home and I wouldn't give her another chance to do it again. Your priority at this point is your son, not two unrelated people. A concussion serious enough to cause his memory lapse is serious stuff.

Absolutely positively agree 110%. It'll be hard at first, but it'll get better. This would never fly at my parents house when I was younger, and we had some similar situations, but no assaults. This is serious, and I'm sure you realize that ComputerB. As much as it pains me to say this, your son could have ended up in the ground. Head injuries aren't always something you can recoup from and it's very apparent that that little girl doesn't give a hoot one way or the other. Just my two cents. Be safe and good luck.

Agree with the last several posts, unless this girl is kin and even if she is you need to lay down the laws of Casa Computer Breath and make it clear that specific things won't be tolerated.

As you might expect I'm a hard ass on many topics, but compromising the security of your home and the safety of your children isn't something that you should take lightly. Make it clear what is expected and lay down the law when it comes to violations of the rules. Most importantly, do not negotiate when a violation happens. The rules apply and no matter the circumstances surrounding a violation make it clear that the laws of your home where explained and understood, that they were violated, and that punishment will be enforced. Never negotiate punishment, state what the rules are up front and never fail to follow through with the policies you stated. Say what you'll do early on and do what you said you will do when violations occur.

Mtn Gramma wrote: Inasmuch as the young lady in question knew the kid wasn't welcome on the property, showed her knowledge of that by sneaking him in through a window, I would have her remove herself from the property immediately. She has already disrespected your home and I wouldn't give her another chance to do it again. Your priority at this point is your son, not two unrelated people. A concussion serious enough to cause his memory lapse is serious stuff.

Agreed, the young lady is an adult, unless there are other issues, mental etc, it's time she start acting like an adult. If possible help her find someplace else to stay.

Thank y'all...I knew the answer when I was posting...it is just one of those thing when someone has a giving heart.

I told the young lady last night that at the least she'd been inconsiderate at the most she was disrespectful. There was no response from her.

I then told her that because of the legality of all of this and because my son's trust had been squashed, she needed to leave. She didn't argue, just asked if I'd give her a couple days to get all her stuff out of the house.

I hadn't thought about the other legalities should this kid be stupid (and he's already proven to be just that) and push the boundaries. I'm keeping an eye on this whole situation.

Thanks again for the advice & kindness.

ComputerBreath wrote: Thank y'all...I knew the answer when I was posting...it is just one of those thing when someone has a giving heart.

I told the young lady last night that at the least she'd been inconsiderate at the most she was disrespectful. There was no response from her.

I then told her that because of the legality of all of this and because my son's trust had been squashed, she needed to leave. She didn't argue, just asked if I'd give her a couple days to get all her stuff out of the house.

I hadn't thought about the other legalities should this kid be stupid (and he's already proven to be just that) and push the boundaries. I'm keeping an eye on this whole situation.

Thanks again for the advice & kindness.

No worries ComputerB, hope everything turns out okay. Be safe.