For the last 20 yrs I have been tending to my mother since my bro and dad died. I have paid her bills and safe guarded her from my two youngest in taking all her money. I have gone back home many times over the years just to help her out with her house, maintenance, etc. I even went back to prepare her house to sell and get it sold. I have had one sis that has helped me out too. (There are six of us children.)
Now, one of the youngest ran off with my mother and had her sign a POA for her to take care of things. I know from the past that this sis is only thinking of my mom's money. Now, I am being called by the two oldest and getting the "well you didn't have any children" blah, blah, blah, so you had the time to do it, blah, blah, blah, etc. I don't have the time to take care of this, blah, blah, blah. I am being told that who cares if the POA is my sis, let her take mom's money. The whole thing that I absolutely cannot get across is that it's not about the money! It's about my mother and her living comfortable the rest of her life. They just don't see that, I took care of everything to make life enjoyable for her. I know my sis, with her long history and run-ins with the law, she won't take care of my mother.
I'm ready to just say, fine, OK. Let things fall where they may. Will I be forgiven if I let things be? What will become of my mother? I am not in the best of health anymore. And, as in the past, I know my siblings will not come through. What do I do? I cannot afford the full cost of the attorney's fees.
lydian, was/is your mom of sound mental judgement to sign over the power of attorney? If so, accept it and hope for the best. If not, document anything on account balances prior to this and see where and how quickly it is being spent. Good luck to you and your mom.
lydian82 wrote:
It's about my mother and her living comfortable the rest of her life. They just don't see that, I took care of everything to make life enjoyable for her. I know my sis, with her long history and run-ins with the law, she won't take care of my mother.
Take comfort, lydian, that you took such good care of your mom while you had the responsibility. These types of things seem to happen often in this type situation.
I don't have any advice, I wish I did, as your older siblings seem OK with the present situation. I don't know if you can contest the POA, or if it is a done deal. But the youngest sis should be told she has a fiduciary responsibility to act correctly concerning your mom. And there are ways to check if the sis is acting on your mom's behalf. And there are laws against elderly abuse, including financial. Prayers and good luck...
A fiduciary duty is a legal or ethical relationship of confidence or trust regarding the management of money or property between two or more parties, most commonly a fiduciary and a principal. One party, for example a corporate trust company or the trust department of a bank, holds a fiduciary relation or acts in a fiduciary capacity to another, such as one whose funds are entrusted to it for investment. In a fiduciary relation one person, in a position of vulnerability, justifiably reposes confidence, good faith, reliance and trust in another whose aid, advice or protection is sought in some matter. In such a relation good conscience requires one to act at all times for the sole benefit and interests of another, with loyalty to those interests.
“ A fiduciary is someone who has undertaken to act for and on behalf of another in a particular matter in circumstances which give rise to a relationship of trust and confidence.[1] ”
A fiduciary duty[2] is the highest standard of care at either equity or law. A fiduciary (abbreviation fid) is expected to be extremely loyal to the person to whom he owes the duty (the "principal"): he must not put his personal interests before the duty, and must not profit from his position as a fiduciary, unless the principal consents. The word itself comes originally from the Latin fides, meaning faith, and fiducia, trust.
will share what one cousin did. like you she took care of her mom for quite some time and then another sibling came along and got poa. this cousin went to mother, discussed the situation, got a revocation of poa for the sibling and a new poa for her. part of what convinced her mother was seeing where money was being spent and how this cousin had carefully handled money in the past. if the mother is of sound mind there usually isn't anything, unless poa provides it is irrevocable, for mother to revoke and make another. of course there isn't anything to stop mother from revoking yours at a later time either.
bumper sticker - honk if you will pay my mortgage
"The problem with Socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money." attributed to Margaret Thatcher
"A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned - this is the sum of good government." Thomas Jefferson
If your mother is ill or not competent to sign over this power you should contact Adult Protective Services in the county where she lives. They can investigate and make sure that you mom is at least cared for properly. Good luck.
:Thanks: Thank you all for your thoughts and your advice. I just felt so alone there. I still do to an extent. My hubby has been great and very supporting.
No, I don't think my mom is of sound mind anymore. She has been showing signs of major paranoia and outbursts of anger. There were even times when I called her, for a short time, it's as if she wasn't there. I am quite worried about her health. I have been trying to convince this sis of mine to take her to the doctor, but she is so fixated on the funds in the Trusts. I have contacted Human Services and was told that, until my mom's funds begin to be depleted, then they cannot do anything. I have contacted an attorney and he will give me the best assessment of what can be done and what it will cost. I guess I will just have to hope for the best. Once again, thanks.
lydian82 wrote: For the last 20 yrs I have been tending to my mother since my bro and dad died. I have paid her bills and safe guarded her from my two youngest in taking all her money. I have gone back home many times over the years just to help her out with her house, maintenance, etc. I even went back to prepare her house to sell and get it sold. I have had one sis that has helped me out too. (There are six of us children.)
Now, one of the youngest ran off with my mother and had her sign a POA for her to take care of things. I know from the past that this sis is only thinking of my mom's money. Now, I am being called by the two oldest and getting the "well you didn't have any children" blah, blah, blah, so you had the time to do it, blah, blah, blah, etc. I don't have the time to take care of this, blah, blah, blah. I am being told that who cares if the POA is my sis, let her take mom's money. The whole thing that I absolutely cannot get across is that it's not about the money! It's about my mother and her living comfortable the rest of her life. They just don't see that, I took care of everything to make life enjoyable for her. I know my sis, with her long history and run-ins with the law, she won't take care of my mother.
I'm ready to just say, fine, OK. Let things fall where they may. Will I be forgiven if I let things be? What will become of my mother? I am not in the best of health anymore. And, as in the past, I know my siblings will not come through. What do I do? I cannot afford the full cost of the attorney's fees.
Well, Civilians are not allowed to give you legal advice, and that seems to be what's happening here. If you can't afford an attorney, try Legal Aid. Try convincing them you're an indigent minority...
When my brother, sister, and I were deciding what to do with my very demented dad several years ago, we found out that we had to assign a proxy to handle anything he needed done. This wasn't a POA, but it was a legal document and each of my father's children (even my half-siblings that denied him) had to sign the paperwork appointing my sister as proxy. We all had to agree that my sister was capable of and could make decisions without involving all of us.
She did very well and took great care of my dad's affairs, to include dealing with the doctors when he was diagnosed with cancer and dealing with his estate and remains when he passed away.
Even if the proxy doesn't help with the money, it should help with the health aspect. Best of luck.
:faint: Not liking the legal system right now one bit. It shouldn't be "innocent until proven guilty". It's you're guilty until you prove your innocent. My devil of a sis has now accused me of misusing my mother's trust funds. So, now, whether these allegations are founded or unfounded I still have to fork out $10K to prove myself innocent!!! :FryMahHide:
It just seems that my sis has been able to get around the legal system so often and now here, even if I am innocent, I'm being treated like I'm guilty. If I kill someone, can I plea "insanity"?
lydian82 wrote: :faint: Not liking the legal system right now one bit. It shouldn't be "innocent until proven guilty". It's you're guilty until you prove your innocent. My devil of a sis has now accused me of misusing my mother's trust funds. So, now, whether these allegations are founded or unfounded I still have to fork out $10K to prove myself innocent!!! :FryMahHide:
It just seems that my sis has been able to get around the legal system so often and now here, even if I am innocent, I'm being treated like I'm guilty. If I kill someone, can I plea "insanity"?
how horrible! I feel for you.
My social worker friends in the geriatric care field tell me this sort of thing is becoming more and more prevalent with the baby-boomers having to be the sandwich generation taking care of aging parents.
