Why do mothers judge one another and their parenting?

Sometimes it seems as if it takes a village to tell you how to raise your child.

Andrea Moleski was at a coffee shop with her baby when they were approached by a strange woman. The conversation began innocently enough as the woman admired Moleski's baby and asked her age.

Then, the interrogation began.

The woman wanted to know if the baby, then 9 months old, was sleeping through the night.

"When I told her no, she was horrified," says Moleski, 34, who writes for a March of Dimes blog, newsmomsneed.marchofdimes.com. "It was almost as if 'bad sleeper' equals 'bad mommy.' I quickly and nervously had to defend what was going on in my home to this perfect stranger."

Although mothers can provide one another with invaluable advice and understanding, they also can be quick to cut one another down, making devoted mothers feel inadequate, says Wendy Sue Swanson, a pediatrician and mother of two.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/201 ... htm?csp=34

OK moms. Have you had an experience like this? It seems rather weird for me for other people to tell you how to raise your own kid.

Since when do people need an excuse to put their nose where it doesn't belong? This goes beyond just raising a child.

People can be so judgmental. It's not their job to raise your children and they should just back off. I have received unwanted advice from relatives no less. For example when my daughter was 2 my Hubby's Grandma said that we should make her say water not the cute baby ah-wah that she would say. She actually ended up apologizing by the end of the day (after watching her the whole day)because my daughter acted so grown up and talked so grown up and she said she doesn't need to change anything. rofllol I just ignore any criticisms now.

IMHO,
Unless a child is being neglected or abused, I think people should mind their own business.

I try to be mindful that there is not right and wrong way to raise children, only different ways. It's not alwyas easy to stand back and watch, but that needs to be done. Neglect and abuse are subjective terms. Your neglect may be someone elses discipline, etc. Abuse is another one that gets people into trouble. The discipline recived by my generation is clearly viewd as abuse today. Child rearing evolves like everything else, but every now and then you come across throwbacks and because you have embraced a new set of standards does not mean someone elses are inadequate. Your evolution does not give you the right to force your parenting veiws on others.

Warning Generalization & Judgmental parenting story.
I have NO PROBLEM "reminding" a child of manners. Working in the comic book store (first in Evergreen, then Bailey, BTW Bailey kids, MUCH better behaved).
When I worked the counter there were actions, for mis-behavior, I'd get a kids that pushes to the front and says "Gimme" He/she got sent to the back of the line, and "Reminded" that we don't like that behavior. Didn't care if the parent was waiting or not. If anybody was there the reply would be (looking up and away from kid) "I think, I heard something, but it wasn't very nice, and didn't sound correct." Then I'd turn my back. That usually did it. I'd hear a subdued little voice say "Excuse me, Sir/Mister." I would quickly turn and say "Yes, Sir, may I help you?"
If I heard "HEY!" I didn't respond, except to say "I must be hearing things." That would normally work, and if that didn't work I would turn slowly and look the kid in the eyes and say "Do you know what manners are?" they would nod yes, (never had anybody nod no), "THEN USE THEM!" than I'd turn around again. That always worked. Never got crap from any parent.
Scared a couple, Of kids, but it worked. O the kid would get to grab the edge of the bag but wouldn't get it unless I got a Thank You, or Thanks, took some reminding then too. but I was much nicer then.
So, to all the lefties, I guess it does take a village when the parents don't do they're jobs. :bash

TPP wrote: Warning Generalization & Judgmental parenting story.
I have NO PROBLEM "reminding" a child of manners. Working in the comic book store (first in Evergreen, then Bailey, BTW Bailey kids, MUCH better behaved).
When I worked the counter there were actions, for mis-behavior, I'd get a kids that pushes to the front and says "Gimme" He/she got sent to the back of the line, and "Reminded" that we don't like that behavior. Didn't care if the parent was waiting or not. If anybody was there the reply would be (looking up and away from kid) "I think, I heard something, but it wasn't very nice, and didn't sound correct." Then I'd turn my back. That usually did it. I'd hear a subdued little voice say "Excuse me, Sir/Mister." I would quickly turn and say "Yes, Sir, may I help you?"
If I heard "HEY!" I didn't respond, except to say "I must be hearing things." That would normally work, and if that didn't work I would turn slowly and look the kid in the eyes and say "Do you know what manners are?" they would nod yes, (never had anybody nod no), "THEN USE THEM!" than I'd turn around again. That always worked. Never got crap from any parent.
Scared a couple, Of kids, but it worked. O the kid would get to grab the edge of the bag but wouldn't get it unless I got a Thank You, or Thanks, took some reminding then too. but I was much nicer then.
So, to all the lefties, I guess it does take a village when the parents don't do they're jobs. :bash

TPP, I have no issue with what you did. In fact I applaud you. Being taught manners at home and applying them does not necessarily go hand in hand. It would be a bit presumptuous to conclude that every kid who was RUDE in the fashion you described has parents who are not doing their job. This is not to say that your conclusions don't hit the nail on the head for some.

I submit child behavior may have multiple sources. TV comes to mind right away, peers is another.

Then there is the matter of expectation. I think it was Becky or Buyer's agent who said that kids do what is expected of them. Perhaps that is where parenting falls short. Too little is expected, especially in the realm or responsibility, of kids today ( a huge generalization I admit). The chores of yesterday on the farm exist for a small segment. For most it is ample free time. Or, there is the opposite extreme, kids having to take on an adult role and fend for themselves for large periods of time long before they are really ready because both parents, or the single parent works. Lack of parental attention though necessity obviously can contribute to rudeness. Then again, you describe parents in the presence of a child being rude. Now that is pretty telling and there is no excuse.

The gist of the article though focuses on others judging the worthiness of a parent. Being rude is bad but it is not enough to condemn a parent. It is but one facet of the whole parenting scheme and does not warrant a diatribe about parenting. Sure, go ahead and step in. Demand respect and good manners from youngsters if they do not grant it. You are helping, not scolding a parent.

TPP wrote: So, to all the lefties, I guess it does take a village when the parents don't do they're jobs. :bash

You had me until you brought politics into the discussion.

Sorry, Please let me rephrase that to say "Maybe it does take all of us to raise the next generation."
:peace:
Crap, now it sounds like Star Trek.

It takes a parent, not a village. If you are not willing to be a parent then don't have children. It just forces others to deal with the problem you create.