So-called "friend" dilemma - appreciate HELPFUL replies

My DH and his buddy went on a short motorcycle trip. PM of first day, deer jumps in the road. DH yells, deer stops. Deer jumps, hits buddy, causing accident. Cars had to drive to an area to get a cell signal. Area fairly remote. Hospital 40-50 miles away.

Buddy insists my DH not call buddy's wife. He will after he gets to the hospital. DH calls me but I am in meetings and not answering phone, so I don't hear about this until evening. DH had to stay at accident scene to talk to state cops, etc. DH loaded as much of buddy's stuff in ambulance, with minor stuff staying with bike, which was hauled 100 miles from hospital.

I call buddy's wife. She just found out. All concerned about motorcycle. I said, forget the bike, you need to get to hospital (about 6 hour drive). Buddy stayed in hospital overnight. DH calls "the wife" several times. She does not return calls. DH has contacted a friend of his about 20-30 miles from hospital who comes up first night to help move buddy's gear to room DH got.

Buddy's wife can't leave for hospital the next morning because her animal has a vet appt. Trying to find a trailer to get the bike. Wanted buddy to fly home. Doc said no, too dangerous. Finally leaves at 3:00 pm. DH's friend drives DH all over the place on errands for buddy concerning accident.

In the meantime, buddy's doctor releases him late afternoon. He goes to dinner with DH, DH's friend and wife, flying on percoset. Get to motel and wife and friend waiting. Wife cries. Does not speak to my DH.

Next morning: DH gets up. He's coming back a different way than buddy, wife and friend. Doesn't see them. Knocks on door. No answer. Checked out and left. No one let him know. DH is coming home by himself.

Another factor in DH's and my reaction to this accident: DH had a terrible M/C accident 20 years ago, 3 months after bypass surgery. He was over 600 miles away from home and there was no one with him. He had collapsed lung, broken ribs in the back, road rash on knees, hands (to the bone) and face, dislocated elbow with deep gash. I found out from the state trooper at 7:00 pm. I was on the road at 8:00 pm and drove until midnight, arriving at hospital the next day. After hospital, went to bike and got his stuff, took plenty of photos, bike was totaled. DH in hospital for 6 days and had to fly home. So, this was like reliving it, to some extent. Plenty of anguish on both DH's and my part.

DH and buddy belong to same motorcycle club.

Here is how I feel. Buddy is a wimp and does everything wife says (I think they have a great sex life or else it's all talk.). Wife typically wants to rule everything, including the M/C club, is a know-it-all, and expects people to back down if she disagrees with them.

I don't understand her not calling my DH. I don't understand no courtesy to let DH know they were leaving. I want to scratch her eyes out and tell her what I think of her. However, because in same club, not possible. We have a meeting on Sat. and I expect them both to be there.

Please come up with the best sarcasm or sickening sweet lines I can lay on this woman. Thanks ahead of time.

Edited: I won't use them. I just thought it would be fun to come up with all the things I'd love to say, but never will to keep the peace.

My helpful suggestion, for whatever it is worth, is to cut Buddy and his wife some slack in the wake of the incident and chalk it up to people not always being their gracious and thoughtful selves in stressful situations. Don't alter the way you treat them and I'm betting that before too much time passes both Buddy and his wife will be apologizing for their behavior and thanking you for your understanding.

PS, it's not buddy who is the problem. Buddy is a very, very nice man.

This woman is referred to by many in the club as the "Queen Bee." The Queen Bee has already been spreading gossip about this and what my DH "should have done."

I'm not going to say anything. My DH loves his M/C club and I would never do anything to jeopardize it.

I guess I just had to vent.

She showed how much she cares about anyone by keeping the veterinarian appointment. That says it all! Forget about her. She is not worth a moment's thought.

You're right, MB. My DH got home about 5:30 and I learned even more.

Eventually it will come back to haunt her. At least, most of the time it does.

I always think of It's a Wonderful Life - Mr. Potter didn't get the S&L, but he kept the money Uncle Billy left.

Sorry if this sounds really lame but what is a DH?

jmc wrote: Sorry if this sounds really lame but what is a DH?

It either means "Dick Head" or "Dear Husband." Depends on your point of view.

Kate wrote:

jmc wrote: Sorry if this sounds really lame but what is a DH?

It either means "Dick Head" or "Dear Husband." Depends on your point of view.

Got it! I think.

jmc wrote:

Kate wrote:

jmc wrote: Sorry if this sounds really lame but what is a DH?

It either means "Dick Head" or "Dear Husband." Depends on your point of view.

Got it! I think.

rofllol

Sometimes a dignified silence is the best response. Obviously Buddy knows what his wife is. It sounds like the rest of the club does too.

Kate wrote:

jmc wrote: Sorry if this sounds really lame but what is a DH?

It either means "Dick Head" or "Dear Husband." Depends on your point of view.

rofllol rofllol

As for the story, I guess I don't get it. What did she think your husband was supposed to do that he didn't? Hit the deer?