BETHESDA, MD—A study published Monday by the National Institutes of Health found that the typical American now requires three distinct attempts to raise themselves from a seated position. “Between shifting in a chair, placing both hands on the chair’s armrests and heaving themselves up, or simply tilting their bodies forward and using momentum, Americans have to perform an average of three unique movements before they are able to rise to a standing position,” said NIH lead researcher Helen Glaser of the study that observed thousands of U.S. citizens attempting to get up from couches, recliners, park benches, car passenger seats, movie theater seats, and restaurant booths, adding that most Americans also required 60 to 90 seconds to recover between exertions.
Many 'Mericans don't get enough dietary fiber and there's currently a social stigma over what could otherwise be considered a "jet powered assist" to help them get on their feet from a seated position... Farting shouldn't be embarrassing, being able to fart on command should be considered to be a gift and a talent.
"New shoes?" Nah, I just stood up to walk over to the break room and get another cup of coffee and three more Fiber One granola bars...
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.
"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian." - Henry Ford
Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges; When the Republic is at its most corrupt the laws are most numerous. - Publius Cornelius Tacitus
