So you want to have an affair? (relationships)

Here's a few reasons that I'll never have an affair.... ever.... never ever.... no way.

I have a hard enough time trying to keep up with making one woman happy. Trying to juggle two of 'em would kill me.
I married a redhead. She's hot She's got a temper, too. She'd kill me.
I'm not smart enough to keep up with the lies.
I caught one woman, I bagged my limit.

No, I'm too busy to remember the lies I've told, too.
Just as a for-instance, when my husband first saw our infant son, he knew instantly the kid wasn't his -- but I couldn't remember enough of my story to give him a convincing answer why that might be the case. I said I was sure there was no question he was the father -- but am imagining more problems ahead. This is especially true since our daughters are both blond, Dad's best friend is from the middle east, and the little boy looks -- well, you know.

I have a question along these same lines: if you are a friend of a couple and knows one of them is having an affair, do you tell the unsuspecting spouse? There is a movie coming out soon with Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder and Jennifer Connelly on this same subject. Just curious what Dr. Mike and other posters think.

From my perspective, it's a lose-lose. If you tell, they'll hate you and if you don't, they'll hate you for not telling. lol

An affair? Where in all the hells would I find the time, let alone the energy?

It would take way too much work to have an affair. I'll stick with a decent relationship and sex life at home, thanks.

I have always said. Just be honest if you want to break up with someone. It saves everyone alot of heart ache. Yes, it may hurt but at least you are not dragging others into it and the lying is really destructive.

Okay, so I'm a schmuck and insensitive for questioning the baby's bloodlines. I know babies can look a little cheesy and more like a Shar Pei than a human when they pop out, but geesh...this kid!!!I immediately knew his middle name would be Lee, but the pediatrics nurse wouldn't let me write down Ugg for his first name.

And as it turns out, at least from my wife's comments--which she refuses to take back--I think I have good reason to worry. I think she was getting even with me for an affair I had many years ago. An affair that almost got me killed!! I still remember lying in the hospital room on my deathbed, as if it were yesterday...

I became overcome with grief and decided I had to confess to my wife before I ventured into the great beyond. So I told her. 'I slept with your sister.' She just stared at me! 'And your cousin, Sharon.' Nothing! 'Don't make this so difficult...I slept with your mother, too! Twice!' I was weeping like a baby.

I will never forget her stone face as she patted my on the hand, nearly knocking out my IV, and she said, 'I know about all your indiscretions. Now just rest and let the poison work.'

Oh my ____! Immediately after hearing those words come off her lips a nurse came in. I'm not sure whether she had heard what my wife said to me, but she hooked up a new drip bag of something and within a few hours I was feeling better. I guess I felt like I deserved to get poisoned, so I have never told anybody this story. But now, after baby U. Lee was born, life seems to have become so very complicated.

Dr. Mike, what can I do?

rofllol
Kill yourself.
Like yesterday.
rofllol

When a spouse lies while having an affair, the trust and bond are broken between the two. Why does someone continue to want to believe in a lying partner? Many have no place to go or anyone to turn to. Its very embarrassing to admit failure to family and friends, so the cover up begins! Then that partner starts to lie to the children, to family friends, co-workers, even their own family. They make excuses, defend the partner out of loyalty, and pray that the one they married comes back to their senses. Affairs, kill the love once shared, sometimes for ever, sometimes for a long period of time. I tell folks, make a pact with a healthy (meaning, emotionally stable) close friend if your tempted to step out of the bond of marriage. Can you imagine how many affairs would be stopped dead in their tracks, if people did this? If you can't confide in a friend, then have an accountability partner, someone you can call and talk to. Believe me I have been that accountability partner for many, and have been told numerous times, "you helped save my marriage." There is no affair that is worth the risk of breaking the hearts of your spouse, children, family and circle of friends.

Any thoughts on why people have affairs?

DrMike wrote: Any thoughts on why people have affairs?

Boredom,
Alcohol,
Curiosity,
or Lonliness...

All mixed with a lack of moral stamina.