Mars men and Venus Women

Rockdoc wrote: Oh that feeling is mutual. More later. :Iloveu: :missyou:

Promises, promises.

lol Just look at the gleam in my eye and tell me you believe I will not follow through.

Communication: We do it differently. According to John Grey, we use the same words but with different meanings. So how is it ever possible to communicate well? What does a couple do to bridge this gap?

Hmmm, I can't find the garden hose smiley....






:rofl

This is a forest fire and a garden hose is hardly adequate. lol

Listen you little thread jacker (just kidding) I think we have both noticed that any bumps are caused by the distance and time away. We're exceptionally lucky in so many other aspects that I consider this area a growing exercise for us to master. In a few years it will be a mute point.

Indeed. Relationship dynamics insure there is always something to learn. Sometimes it's not even the differences in speech between men and women that creates issues. Yet, key to relationship success (to my way of thinking) is how well couples handle confusion when it does materialize and that comes back to being able to and willing to communication.

I'm wondering if being able to identify and having the courage to verbalize one's feelings is helpful in that regard? What are your thoughts?

Hi Rockdoc, been so busy that I have not been able to write back. I really enjoyed discussing this stuff with you. Love, relationships and attraction fascinates me.

There is a song by Vertical Horizon that sums this up for me.

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

It is interesting that for some people, you meet someone that you have things in common with and seem perfect for you but you just don't 'feel it'. Then you meet others that are opposites and you have a huge attraction and they don't match up to you. This fascinates me to no end and really I just don't see much in the way of data or otherwise that can explain it. Attraction doesn't make sense sometimes and I don't get it.

That attraction is the glue until you get to know that person. All my great loves were my best friend first. All the dating and that kind of thing messed up my relationships, but my best friends always turned out to be the ones I loved to be with. I don't understand the whole thing and wish I could. For me when I had my best friend that connection was the glue because I got so used to talking to them everyday it was hard to give that up, then later when it turned romantic we were already so close and knew each other so well it was so much easier. I think love, relationships and attraction is the most complicated thing with so many nuances no one really understand it all. And that may be why so many of us have bad relationships behind us. Does this mean that we have an easier time when we are older because we are wiser? I don't know but really it is nice to have a partner and if you can't get over the small stuff you won't ever find someone. I find that is the key. My best friends always supported me, I knew them without the other stuff so it was a win-win thing. And that was the key. But then again, those romantic friendships are no more. Will explain that someday. So confusing.

Your song pretty much sums up what you wrote as a follow up. Portrayed like that it is terribly confusing. I know there have been past relationships that should have stayed as friendships but evolved into marriages and subsequent failures. I understand now why that happened to me. Early on the opposite was so attractive. In some ways the opposite allowed me to experience vicariously things I did not have the guts or the willingness to risk having those experiences. Ultimately, there was not enough of a similarity to make things work. As these relationships blossomed, the feeling of safe brought out the less than proud parts of our personality. While I understand that to be a plea for help with them, it was not enough because it takes two sides to dance. When only one partner is out on the dance floor, the relationship stalls out and you get the loop di loup video you posted. lol

I've spent a life time searching not knowing exactly what I was searching for, but I did know intuitively what I did not want. Then just one look and a universe nudging us along a difficult and separate roads brought Holly and I together. We share a great deal, but we also have complimentary differences. Our common perspectives are the glue of our relationship, the differences are what make us whole. Then there is the slow process of men maturing. Yesterday, when I wore young man's clothes, ignorance ruled. I did not appreciate what I had. Today, wisdom replaced the ignorance and I am keenly aware of the treasure that graces my life. Because of that, I will do everything in my power to keep it as fresh as it was the day we met. It is a daily task of nurturing because I know how easy it is to begin assuming someone special ad that is the road to a dead end.

Josh Turner sings a song that reminds me of my past and my present. Called 'Another Try' I've only taken part of the lyrics as this song deals more with a regretted past love that was lost for lack of trying. Been there done that and don't ever want to do that again. Hence

The reasons I’m [was} alone I know by heart,
but I don’t wanna spend forever in the dark.
I swear next time I’ll hang on for dear life.
If love ever gives me another try.

A life-long search without really consciously defining what I was looking for had me spending it in the dark. Love (and what a love it is) has given me another try, so now I'll hang on for dear life.

Loving her was an instant recognition. Everything inside me told me so. How this can be is a mystery but there are apparently many things that the brain processes in a thirty second look. And look I did for much longer than 30 seconds. Holly does not know, but I used to just pull up her Avatar to admire her. Much is written about whether there is such a thing as love at first sight. Some say nay others yes. I'm one of those who says yes. From the moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one I was looking for. I'd say we are best friends first and foremost, but there is a depth to our relationship the extent of which I have never ever felt before. The rest of that story is not relevant here.

So reading about your confusion seems to suggest you simply have not found the right person. Perhaps you are searching too hard consciously and using the wrong criteria. Sure you see the things you want to see, hear the things you expect to hear, but the reality may be those are not what you should be searching for. Perhaps this is where we can make a comparison with accessing the Force in Star Wars. " Let go. Let the force guide you." Letting go of that conscious thought may be the ticket. Your conscious thought may betray you and lead you in the wrong direction. I certainly was not searching for anyone at the time I met Holly. Instead, I was looking to end a relationship and forward to simply spending time alone. Soured by another ill advised misadventure, all I wanted was to have a period of peace. Living alone does make life so much easier, but it is just that ... alone, not a place I want to be, but a hell of a lot better than what I had.

I do not have an answer for you, but I have come to understand that the perfect person may be right in front of you but one or the other is not ready and must go through additional molding of the clay, we call self. When ready, the universe has a way of helping us out, just ask Holly. So CG stop the intensive conscious search and let go.

This is an interesting topic for sure.

CG speaking for me I can only say that I have never really been one to search for the right guy, or to try to make "relationships evolve or workout." I have found that when I sit back and wait they just appear. Franz and I were brought into the same circle by many circumstances but never met. I knew of him, but didn't know him. I certainly wasn't looking myself either. I had been single and dateless for 13 years instead focusing on just being a mom and not worrying about the guy thing. I KNEW without a doubt my time would come for that someday. That someday came a lot sooner than I ever expected. lol After experiencing one quick relationship the universe decided it was ready to really push Franz and I together. I took one look for both of us. An instant attraction and reaction was felt immediately. The obstacles in our way were there. We simply bounded over each one and continue to do so to this day. In some ways we are opposites. In many more ways we are the perfect fit to each other. The most important thing I think is that we view all the big things in the same way. We have much more in common than not. I have never met anyone before who doesn't eat pizza. We love pizza! Silly I know.

I agree with Franz. When the right person is meant to come into your life he will. You can't hurry love as they say. Never taking the other for granted is key too. It is not lost on me for a second how many women desire Franz. I have seen it all too often. Having someone who loves you with their whole heart, and you right back, is always what both of us wanted more than anything. Now we have it and we realize how lucky we are. The best thing is we are a team! That is something that I was always envious of what my sister has. I always wanted that too. We both did. And I gotta say we make a formidable team.

Life and love can be crazy things sometimes. I hope you find your perfect guy too because you deserve a great one!

Rockdoc wrote: Indeed. Relationship dynamics insure there is always something to learn. Sometimes it's not even the differences in speech between men and women that creates issues. Yet, key to relationship success (to my way of thinking) is how well couples handle confusion when it does materialize and that comes back to being able to and willing to communication.

I'm wondering if being able to identify and having the courage to verbalize one's feelings is helpful in that regard? What are your thoughts?

You are a great communicator love. We both have a healthy ability to speak up if something is bothering us which is why we work things out so quickly.