-#TEN-PLUS-SEVEN- Unalaska Police Blotter

HEY JEKYEL......my brother sent this to me....KNEW you would :rofllol because I did too...
ENJOY

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ALASKAN WHEN....

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in miles.
4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.
13. You know what Bunny Boots are.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
18. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never taught about "area codes"... 907 is all you had to know
19. You think bald eagles aren't that great
20. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD release because that’s when it will FINALLY arrive in Alaska
21. You wish seagulls came with a mute button
22. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1.50 menu which they feel is equivalent to the $0.99 menu
23. You were appalled by the "Carrs-Safeway" merge a few years ago
24. You have to have a raven cage around your trash to keep them out
25. You go to school, work, or both in the dark and come out in the dark
26. 30 degrees is shorts weather
27. -10 is a bit nippy
28. Buses leaving school are delayed because a bear is in the parking lot
29. You tell people you live in an igloo for kicks
30. You don’t swim in natural bodies of water for fear of swimmers itch or beaver fever...or leeches
31. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being late to school
32. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid...who cares about Meadowgold, Dairyland and Viva!!
33. You only go to the fair for turkey legs and a husky burger
34. You refer to the continental US as the "lower 48"
35. You get an attitude when you have to pay tax in the lower 48
36. There is 4 feet of snow the night before school and you STILL have to go.
37. If you don’t like the weather wait for 5 minutes and then go back out outside.
38. You sleep through an earthquake like nothing ever happened; the only way you know is because the clock fell off the wall
39. Salmon isn’t a delicacy, it's a staple
40. Halibut is beer battered rather than cooked some fancy way
41. 70 degrees is equivalent to 90 degrees in the lower 48
42. You know who "Sleeping Lady" is
43. During the winter you rarely use your freezer
44. You think $4 for a loaf of bread is cheap
45. A "cookout" is not all the time outside because it’s entirely too cold for all of that
46. You don't sleep in the summer because it’s too short to miss a minute of it
47. Half your friends own a sled (snow machine) and you think people that call them snow mobiles are idiots
48. You have been chased or know someone who has been chased by a moose at least once.
49. You’ve seen the northern lights, and you know why they are such a "big deal"
50. You know its all about the snow, DUH.
51. You know that Cattle Company has the best potato soup there is.
52. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil or black blankets.
53. You know the two speed limits in Alaska: the ‘get outta my way limit’ and ‘taking cover limit’
54. You only watch the news when they announce the amount of the year’s dividend
55. Your school classes were never canceled because of ice
56. You have to start your car at least an hour before you leave so most of the ice and snow will melt off by the time you leave
57. You wear flips flops all year without getting sick
58. You've never seen cotton or tobacco growing, but your neighbor has a 30 acre pot field
59. You literally can’t leave the house without seeing some one you know.
60. You know the term "studs" isn’t referring to hot guys.
61. You have to ski in gym class
62. You know who "Binki" was, made fun of that stupid Australian tourist, and was so sad when he died.
63. You expect to see a moose crossing Tudor every time you drive down.
64. You give up and tell people in the lower 48 that you DO live in an igloo and you DO have a pet polar bear named Mishka when they refuse to believe otherwise.
65. You call someone without a crack in there windshield a tourist
66. You remember what Showboats was and you’re little sad it's gone.
67. When you go to the lower 48 you wonder where everybody's block heater cable is
68. You've been to the Peanut Farm for a drink but refuse to tell anyone...ever
69. Combat fishing isn't a joke, it's a religion.
70. You've seen a 2-month old moose get hit by a full-size van at 65 MPH, then get up and run off
71. Two words "Korn Fritters"
72. Your parents taking you trick-or-treating involves riding door-to-door in the car
73. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
74. You drive your convertible in the cold with the top down and the heater on full blast.
75. Chuck Norris came here to prove how tough he was by standing outside in the winter at -45 degree’s. You and your friends stood with him in wearing bunny
boots, tanks tops and shorts and drank beer. After an hour, Chuck went inside crying while you and your friends wondered what his problem was and
continued to party…

I love that list Homie, gonna print it out, hahahaha! So many of them I relate to! The one that hits 'home' the most if I have ta pick one would be about snow machines. People that call them snow mobiles make me think of Minnesota for some weird reason. Either way, I've gone through life correcting people and those that are left in my circle of friends are all trained! I could go on and on with that list Homie, you're awesome! Cheers.

Drunk at Kodiak airport loses control of pants along with his temper

From the Kodiak Daily Mirror: Alaska State Troopers are calling it an intentional mooning: An unruly drunk at the Kodiak airport bent over to pick up a dropped card from his wallet and his pants fell down. Already facing a disorderly conduct charge for picking a fight, Charles Helzer, a 31-year-old from California, compounded his problems by loudly calling attention to his allegedly exposed rump.

Troopers asked Helzer to leave the terminal, at which point he allegedly began shouting and swearing at one of the troopers. Airline representatives told troopers they wanted Helzer trespassed from the airport.

While the second trooper was talking to airline representatives inside the airport, Helzer bent over to pick up a card that fell out of his wallet. His pants fell down, and he shouted out to the trooper and a woman passing through the airport entrance: “Hey, check out my crack, is it big enough for you?” court documents read.

He then stumbled headfirst into the side of a nearby trash can.

Helzer was jailed after the incident last week and later released on $500 bail.

http://www.adn.com/2013/09/10/3068303/d ... loses.html
What a flippin' idiot, and yea, it's hilarious. Can't handle drinkin? Don't DRINK!

TRUE STORY.....went up to Fairbanks to visit my brother a couple springs ago....the "red-eye" out of Fairbanks (non-stop ALASKAN airlines) is generally the most popular flight out......things
were on schedule and it looked like it would be a non-event flight......WRONG. Just BEFORE
announcing boarding....two chicks (one in a wheel-chair) decided to "settle a score" and a
fist fight ensued.....finally a passenger jumped one of the chicks and wrestled her to the ground,security then took over and the attendant FINALLY announced boarding......everyone
boarded and then waited and WAITED until pilot announced that airport security needed to
speak to passenger that assisted in the fight. Passenger found.....wait,wait AND WAIT.....
pilot comes on PA....states that spring snow storm has delayed flight out of Anchorage and
we are waiting for Pilot that is "dead-heading" into Fairbanks.....wait and wait.....THEN we
finally get signal that they will de-ice plane and we get cleared for take-off....ONE HOUR and
20 minutes after boarding we FINALLY take- off.......NOW, Sea-Tac connection looks pretty
"iffy" at best.....run like hell to gate and just make last call to board flight to Denver.......THAT
was the last time I took the "red-eye" out.....WAY TOO MUCH overload......

COMBAT FISHING= Salmon run (just before spawning).......people line the banks of the river
(literally shoulder to shoulder, NO space) and fish till they drop (or make limit).....NOT a relaxing
experience.....crazy and COMBATIVE.....a OMG, what were they thinking event. :faint:

homeagain wrote: TRUE STORY.....went up to Fairbanks to visit my brother a couple springs ago....the "red-eye" out of Fairbanks (non-stop ALASKAN airlines) is generally the most popular flight out......things
were on schedule and it looked like it would be a non-event flight......WRONG. Just BEFORE
announcing boarding....two chicks (one in a wheel-chair) decided to "settle a score" and a
fist fight ensued.....finally a passenger jumped one of the chicks and wrestled her to the ground,security then took over and the attendant FINALLY announced boarding......everyone
boarded and then waited and WAITED until pilot announced that airport security needed to
speak to passenger that assisted in the fight. Passenger found.....wait,wait AND WAIT.....
pilot comes on PA....states that spring snow storm has delayed flight out of Anchorage and
we are waiting for Pilot that is "dead-heading" into Fairbanks.....wait and wait.....THEN we
finally get signal that they will de-ice plane and we get cleared for take-off....ONE HOUR and
20 minutes after boarding we FINALLY take- off.......NOW, Sea-Tac connection looks pretty
"iffy" at best.....run like hell to gate and just make last call to board flight to Denver.......THAT
was the last time I took the "red-eye" out.....WAY TOO MUCH overload......

Triple

homeagain wrote: COMBAT FISHING= Salmon run (just before spawning).......people line the banks of the river
(literally shoulder to shoulder, NO space) and fish till they drop (or make limit).....NOT a relaxing
experience.....crazy and COMBATIVE.....a OMG, what were they thinking event. :faint:

Yessum, Sheep Creek and Willow Creek are my "spots" man. Kinda like combat fishing if you can imagine. Everyone HAS to work together or lines get tangled constantly. You can always tell those that have never done it. And yea, I'll stand in the river from seven in the mornin till eleven in the evening if I have to, even if I don't catch a fish. If that's the case I'm back at it sharp the next day. That's the way she goes man. LOVE IT.

Harassment – A woman reported being followed in the bar by another woman who, when confronted, brandished some bear spray in a challenging manner. Investigating officers found no witnesses to the event but were able to verify the existence of prior problems between the two women.

Animal – Mother reported having to walk her child around a scrawny fox standing in a mud puddle, and expressed concern about the fox lurking near the day care entrance. An officer was unable to locate the skulking beast.

Noise Disturbance – Anonymous caller reported loud music in a residential area. The responding officer patrolled the area and heard no music, only the rumbling of tugboats working at the dock.

Drunk Disturbance – Officers responded to a bunkhouse, where an inebriate had passed out. After a lengthy, garbled conversation with the drunk, officers were able to determine the name of the man’s boat. The drunk was eventually turned over to his captain.

Noise Disturbance – Caller reported unsupervised children running amok in the apartment above her. Officers found a harried husband trying to maintain order amongst four young children. The husband apologized for the noise.

Suspicious Person/Activity – An inebriated man darted in front of a patrol car while waving and performing a jig, then sprinted away from the officer for a short distance before sitting on the curb and waiting for the officer. The inebriate was able to tell the officer only that he was having an off day and was eventually turned over to a group of sober friends who happened to pass by.

Suspicious Person/Activity – A man who two nights earlier had been dancing in front of a patrol car was reported to be shaving on the roof of a business. After conversing briefly with the man the responding officer requested an ambulance and a mental health evaluation.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller reported being threatened by a coworker. The responding officer learned that the caller’s laundry had been stopped by a coworker due to the noise the washing machine made. The two men were advised to discuss their differences with their company housing rep.

Harassment – Woman reported that a former friend with whom she had a falling out a year ago recently said hello to her in a sarcastic manner. The woman told the former friend’s husband she did not wish to be contacted by her former friend. The former friend honored this request, but the woman wished to have the alleged harassment documented just in case.

Suspicious Person/Activity – Caller reported having received a suspicious note on his doorstep, from a person claiming to represent the US Census Bureau and requesting to meet with the caller. An officer determined that the Census Bureau did indeed have a worker in the community.

Liquor Law Violation – Officer advised two men they were too intoxicated to remain on any licensed premise this night. The men left the area after first proffering an array of taunts and insults.

Drunk Disturbance – Officers responded to a local dock and contacted two extremely inebriated fishermen, one of whom had obviously recent cuts and scrapes and neither of whom was particularly forthcoming regarding how those scrapes came to be. After having been told numerous stories about being blindfolded and/or having been attacked by a gang of thugs of various ethnicities, officers determined the injured inebriate had likely simply fallen down.

Assault – Officers responded to a report of an alleged assault and found that one man had displayed a vulgar hand gesture to another, and also left his razor trimmings in the bathroom the two men shared. A witness did confirm that the first man had tapped the second on the shoulder. Officers determined that the shoulder tap, stray hairs and middle finger did not rise to the level of a crime.

Harassment – Caller reported feeling harassed because an Alaska State Trooper had given him a ticket at his residence, and had then pulled him over and was standing next to the caller’s car window. Caller then said he had other things to do and didn’t have time to deal with this.

Domestic Disturbance – Officer responded to a residence wherein a husband had allegedly hacked the wife’s cell phone in order to read her deleted messages. The wife refused to comply with the husband’s demand that she leave. There was no indication of physical violence.

Environmental – Vehicle owner reported his vehicle had been vandalized, but upon closer inspection he and the responding officer determined that the damage to his truck was caused by high winds whipping the bed liner from his pickup and slamming numerous items against the windows and hood before depositing them in the parking lot and the harbor.

MVA Damage – A woman backed into her neighbor’s parked vehicle, sparking a violent confrontation between the two furious femmes. Damage to the two vehicles was negligible and the only injuries were those caused when the two irate women began pummeling one another.

Liquor Law Violation – Officer advised a man who had entered a bar with a case of beer under his arm that he could not bring alcohol into the bar. The man secured his beer elsewhere while waiting for his meal.