Quick and Easy Meals for One, Bachelor Style

Preseason NFL football on the tube tonight! I want some bean dip but I'm not heading out this late on a Sunday to pick up a can of crappy canned, bland bean dip. Time to break out the can opener, spud masher, and a few ingredients and make my own...

Black Bean Dip

What You Need:

1 15 ounce can of black beans
1 15 ounce can of kidney beans
1 medium sized yellow onion
1 bunch of fresh cilantro
2 whole coves of garlic
1 lime
Salt
Black pepper
Cayenne pepper
1 large Jalapeno pepper
1 bag of frozen sweet corn (or raw fresh if you have it on hand)

How It's Done:

Open the cans of beans and pour them into a large mixing bowl, dice the onion, jalapeno, and cilantro fine, peel and smash the garlic with the side of your chef's knife and add to the bowl. Cut the lime in half and squeeze the juice in to the bowl (fish out and seeds so no one gets an unexpected surprise). Break out your spud masher and mash everything in the bowl into a paste (or break out the veg-o-matic if you are up for the extra clean up), if it's too soupy add a bit of corn starch and keep mashing until it thickens up. Taste the mixture and add salt, black, and cayenne pepper to taste being sure to mix all of the spices through the mixture so they are evenly distributed. Add the corn and mix it through (or don't, it's your food and you are going to eat it not me), I like to use frozen corn because it helps to chill the final product quickly. Refrigerate, preferably overnight but at least for four hours. Serve cold with corn tortilla chips.

Got company coming over to watch the game? Hold back a couple of sprigs of cilantro for garnish and spoon the dip into a fancy dish like an empty Cool Whip container or your best Tupperware if it's a really fancy shindig.

I'm a nacho junky and I even love the Tex-Mex version with the soupy fake cheese and jalapenos that you'll find in every sports venue and convenience store. How could one improve on it? This experiment yielded some positive results...

Better Than Stadium Queso

What You Need:

1 full sized loaf of Velveeta or equivalent amount of processed cheese food substance
1 can of store brand red chili, with or without beans (your preference)
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can green chilies, heat level you prefer
Cayenne pepper (optional, if you don't like heat then skip it)

Make it This Way:

Use a small crock pot or a double boiler, cube the processed cheese food substance into 1/2 inch cubes and add to the cooking vessel. Open the cans and the contents to the cooking vessel. Turn on the heat and stir to prevent scorching, if you have a small crock pot with a removable ceramic pot you can cheat and nuke the pot for a few minutes at a time to melt the cheese faster. Once the processed cheese food substance is melted hold it on low heat and serve with corn tortilla chips. Left overs are great in omelets or over burritos! Certain four legged friends have been known to perform tricks for complete strangers for a couple of nibbles of this stuff.

These go great with beer!!

Kromeskies

1 lb ground beef
dash pepper
1/4 cup instant mashed potato flakes
2 eggs
1/2 lb sliced bacon
1/8 cup ketchup
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp seasoned salt
1/3 cup milk
1/2 tsp garlic powder
dash marjoram
1/2 tsp minced onion

Combine first 7 ingredients with 1 egg, mixing well. Divide into 8 portions.

Shape into logs and wrap in bacon to enclose completely.

Combine flour, marjoram, egg and milk to make a batter; mixing well. Dip each log into batter.

Fry in 1/2" deep hot oil until bacon is browned and crisp.

Serve on hotdog buns. Top with catsup, onion, tomato and pickle slices

ExtremeModerate wrote: These go great with beer!!

Kromeskies

1 lb ground beef
dash pepper
1/4 cup instant mashed potato flakes
2 eggs
1/2 lb sliced bacon
1/8 cup ketchup
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp seasoned salt
1/3 cup milk
1/2 tsp garlic powder
dash marjoram
1/2 tsp minced onion

Combine first 7 ingredients with 1 egg, mixing well. Divide into 8 portions.

Shape into logs and wrap in bacon to enclose completely.

Combine flour, marjoram, egg and milk to make a batter; mixing well. Dip each log into batter.

Fry in 1/2" deep hot oil until bacon is browned and crisp.

Serve on hotdog buns. Top with catsup, onion, tomato and pickle slices

I'll have to give this a try. If you like that recipe maybe give this one a try:

Here's a meal that will help you remain single!

The Mother In Law Sandwich

What you need:

Hot dog bun or similar bread

Can of high quality tamales (think store brand or Ellis Bros)

Canned chili, Hormel no beans and hot is my favorite but generic is good too, just carve off the layer of grease on top when you open the can with a spoon of your fingers... The dog will enjoy that (don't tell the vet I said that!)! dog

One can of bean dip, again, the quality of this ingredient is vital so get the generic brand or maybe even spring for the Frito-Lay version (let's face it, we ain't gonna pair this meal with a fine wine like Boone's Farm, Cold Duck, or quality barley soda such as Miller High Life - who has that kind of cash?!).

Coleslaw or potato salad (optional, been to a Country Buffet or other all you can eat before they close establishment with some ziplock bags in your pockets lately?)

Cheese, nacho is good but Kraft singles work

Jalapeno slices!!!! Don't skimp on these and make sure they are scorchers!

Git'r done

Open the cans of chili and tamales and nuke the contents to desired degree of done-ness but pour em outta the can on to a paper plate or two (or not, the sparks are pretty!). If you have a glass bowl or other "microwave safe" dish (whatever that is) and you are willing to chuck it when your are done or , shudder - wash it, then use that. Think about it before you toss an empty margarine tub, you could save it and cook in it and then toss it! No need to clean it first, just keep the empty in the chill chest until needed!

High quality canned tamales come wrapped in wax paper so you probably ought'a peel em before you eat em but I suppose cellulose is a form of fiber... Consider your fiber intake, if you need more here is an easy source! Don't forget the sauce in the can!! Fat is flavor and there will be plenty of both in the can the tamales come from, that's a real sign of quality!

Place bun(s) on another paper plate (I know what you are thinking, three paper plates for one meal? Trust me it's worth it!). Slather bean dip on the bun(s) and insert heated tamale(s), top with cheese, chili, jalapeno slices, and slaw or spud salad (if desired).

Enjoy! The experience of consuming one or more of these while considering the namesake is an experience; I call it Marriage Repellent! Best paired with large quantities of the favorite libations of working people, Buckhorn, Meisterbrau, and generic 3.2 beer are your best choice for this dish (let's face it, you'd need to be hammered to eat more than one of these!)! Trust me, the aftermath will turn your Girl or Boy friend against you and even your dog may question your identity for as many as the next 48 hours! I'd advise removing the batteries from your smoke detectors and avoiding open flame for at least 24 hours, longer if you consume three or more (who could or would?!).

*The author is not responsible for any clogged toilets or other toxic emissions. Individuals that assemble and consume the sandwich known as "The Mother In Law" are solely responsible for their own well being, any resulting damage to property, personnel, livestock, and the environment.

Ham hocks. You've seen them at your local grocery in the meat section, maybe the visual is too much for some, they are joints and the marrow is usually showing in the package. Just think of ham hocks as really small smoked hams, with twice the usual amount of tendons, fat, and skin...

As the weather finally returns to tolerable temperatures and you're contemplating breaking out the sweat pants and maybe putting a blanket back on the bed, there's nothing like a nice bowl/mug of hot Navy Bean soup to warm and fill you up.

Navy Beans & Ham Hocks

Get This:

2 lbs dry navy beans
1 gallon water
1 1/2 - 3 lbs smoked ham hocks (I like the extra meat)
Carrots, diced in to 1/2' chunks
1 big yellow onion, diced in to 1/2" chunks
2 tablespoons salted butter
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
Cayenne pepper to taste

To make it:

Break out the big pot, pour in the gallon of water, and light a fire under it. While it's getting hot, sort through your beans and toss out any rocks, discolored beans and weevils. Put the beans in a colander or strainer, and run hot tap water over them until the bean hulls start to turn whitish/clear-ish. Dump the beans into the big pot of water with the ham hocks, and simmer over a low fire for 3 hours, one football game, or 4 loads of laundry, whichever ends first. Scoop out any floater beans and skim off any foam.

Fish out the ham hocks after 3 hours and let them cool. Cut/peel/pull the meat from the bone, chop it up, and dump it back in with the beans. Try not to "sample" more than half of the meat. I toss the bones back in for added flavor, you do what ever you want to with the bones.

Heat up the butter in a skillet, and brown the diced onion. The onion pieces will be translucent and, well, brownish. Dump the cooked onions in with the beans and hocks and add the carrots last. When all of the ingredients are in the pot taste it and add spices as needed, just remember you can always add more spice so add spices a little bit at a time and be sure to stir after adding spices and then taste again.

Just before you're ready to eat, kick up the fire to HIGH, and bring the beans to a boil, smash a few of the beans against the side of the pot with the back of your serving spoon and stir to make the soup thicker before dishing it up.

Good all by itself, better with a hunk of cornbread or a made from scratch biscuit!

The bean soup is very close to what I do but I add more stuff that is not good for you so if the ham hocks don't have enough meat there is always your best friend Bacon!!

mountaindollar wrote: The bean soup is very close to what I do but I add more stuff that is not good for you so if the ham hocks don't have enough meat there is always your best friend Bacon!!

BACON!!! It goes without saying that bacon makes everything better!

You're killn' me Otis! I'm on 500 calories a day and BACON is not on the plan!

Obam me wrote: You're killn' me Otis! I'm on 500 calories a day and BACON is not on the plan!

Eat what you like, move more, eat less (like I"m on that part of the plan), and make everything you eat green and leafy...

I'm shooting for the upper 80's, why live longer if your quality of life doesn't include BACON?

I used to love bacon, then I went to a county fair in WA state a couple of years ago and saw a pig giving birth. I haven't been able to eat bacon since! You're right! Hiking, biking, and dancin' on the kitchen floor is what I consider a quality of life!