The scumbags at I.R.E.A. won't ruin Christmas this year

DARK CONSPIRACY INVOLVING ELECTRICAL POWER COMPANIES SURFACES: Updated 8/7/88

For years the electrical utility companies have led the public to believe they were in business to supply electricity to the consumer, a service for which they charge a substantial rate. The recent accidental acquisition of secret records from a well known power company has led to a massive research campaign which positively explodes several myths and exposes the massive hoax which has been perpetrated upon the public by the power companies. The most common hoax promoted the false concept that light bulbs emitted light; in actuality, these 'light' bulbs actually absorb DARK which is then transported back to the power generation stations via wires. A more descriptive name has now been coined; the new scientific name is for the device is DARKSUCKER.

This newsletter introduces a brief synopsis of the darksucker theory, which proves the existence of dark and establishes the fact that dark has great mass, and further, that dark is the fastest known particle in the universe. Apparently, even the celebrated Dr. Albert Einstein did not suspect the truth.. that just as COLD is the absence of HEAT, LIGHT is actually the ABSENCE of DARK... light does not really exist! The basis of the darksucker theory is that electric light bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the darksuckers in the room where you are. There is much less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere, demonstrating their limited range. The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Darksuckers in a parking lot or on a football field have a much greater capacity than the ones in used in the home, for example.

It may come as a surprise to learn that darksuckers also operate on a celestial scale; witness the Sun. Our Sun makes use of dense dark, sucking it in from all the planets and intervening dark space. Naturally, the Sun is better able to suck dark from the planets which are situated closer to it, thus explaining why those planets appear brighter than do those which are far distant from the Sun. Occasionally, the Sun actually oversucks; under those conditions, dark spots appear on the surface of the Sun. Scientists have long studied these 'sunspots' and are only recently beginning to realize that the dark spots represent leaks of high pressure dark because the Sun has oversucked dark to such an extent that some of actually leaks back into space. This leakage of high pressure dark frequently causes problems with radio communications here on Earth due to collisions between the dark particles as they stream out into space via the black 'holes' in the surface of the Sun.

As with all manmade devices, darksuckers have a finite lifetime. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This condition can be observed by looking for the black spot on a full darksucker when it has reached maximum capacity... you have surely noticed that dark completely surrounds a full darksucker because it no longer has the capacity to suck dark at all.

A candle is a primitive darksucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive darksuckers have a very limited range and are hazardous to operate because of the intense heat produced.

There are also portable darksuckers called flashlights. The bulbs in these devices cannot handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit called a battery. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied (a process called 'recharging') or replaced before the portable darksucker can continue to operate. If you break open a battery, you will find dense black dark inside, evidence that it is actually a compact dark storage unit.

The darksuckers on your automobile are high capacity units with great range, thus they require much larger dark storage units mounted under the hood of the vehicle. Since there is far more dark available in the winter season, automobile dark storage units reach capacity more frequently than they do in the summer, requiring 'recharging', or in severe cases, total replacement.

Dark has great mass. When dark is drawn into a darksucker, friction caused by the speed of the dark particles (called anti-photons) actually generates substantial heat, thus it is unwise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles represent a special problem, as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat, making it very dangerous to touch an operating candle.

Because dark has such great mass, it is very heavy. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you see a lot of 'light' (absence of dark, to be more precise). As you go deeper and deeper beneath the surface, you notice it gets darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake, making it appear 'lighter' near the surface.

The power companies have learned to use the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes by pushing it through turbines, which generate electricity to help push the dark into the ocean where it may be safely stored for their devious purposes.

Prior to the development of turbines, it was much more difficult to get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and developed means to assist the flow of dark on its long journey to the ocean. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to impede the flow of dark; but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled vigorously to help propel the dark along its way.

Scientists are working feverishly to develop exotic new instrumentation with which to measure the actual speed and energy level of dark. While such instrumentation is beyond the capabilities of the average layman, you can actually perform a simple test to demonstrate the unbelievable speed of dark, right in your own home.

All that is required for the simple test is a closed desk drawer situated in a bright room. You know from past experience that the tightly shut drawer is FULL of dark. Now, place your hand firmly on the drawer's handle.

Quickly yank the drawer open.. the dark immediately disappears, demonstrating the blinding speed with which the dark travels to the nearest darksucker!

The secrets of dark are at present known only to the power companies. Dark must be very valuable, since they go to such lengths to collect it in vast quantities. By some well hidden method, more modern power 'generation' facilities have devised methods to hide their collection of dark. The older facilities, however, usually have gargantuan piles of solidified dark in huge fenced in areas. Visitors to these facilities are told the huge black piles of material are supplies of coal, but such is not the case.

The power companies have long used code words to hide their activities; D.C. is Dark Conspiracy, whole A.C. is Alternate Conspiracy. The intent of the A.C. is not yet known, but the D.C. is rapidly yielding its secrets to the probing eyes and instruments of honest scientists around the world. New developments are being announced every day and we promise to keep the public informed of these announcements as they occur via this newsletter. Les Dark, Editor

http://www.mansfieldschools.com/mhs/phy ... /Humor.htm

:rofl - I love it!

I sure am glad that IREA power is being delivered efficiently to my home tonight. It's cold outside.

I like that dark sucker theory - I'll have to share it elsewhere.

Thank you IREA....the water was hot this morning and my breakfast was hot too.

Those of you who dislike living in the area where IREA serves should move to Xcel territory! That power plant is "State of the art" and the cleanest or one of the cleanest in the country! It will help stabilize our rates and will be good for the members of IREA.
Hotel Rampage, brilliant idea about skipping out on you're last bill. Good for the credit score. They will send you to collections.

mountaintoyparts wrote: They will send you to collections.

I'm sure he/she is shaking in his boots

[youtube:1zpzevb6][/youtube:1zpzevb6]

residenttroll wrote: I sure am glad that IREA power is being delivered efficiently to my home tonight. It's cold outside.

Whata suck ass

Vice Lord wrote:

residenttroll wrote: I sure am glad that IREA power is being delivered efficiently to my home tonight. It's cold outside.

Whata suck ass

Should I join the military?

residenttroll wrote:

Vice Lord wrote:

residenttroll wrote: I sure am glad that IREA power is being delivered efficiently to my home tonight. It's cold outside.

Whata suck ass

Should I join the military?

I doubt they'd have you.