Constructive Feedback from one of our members.

jf1acai wrote: Seriously, I agree with most of the above, when this forum was started folx were more respectful of each other than they are now. Perhaps familiarity really does breed contempt?

I don't see this as being something that management needs to change. I think it is something that the users of the forum need to change. I don't see it as a right vs. left, conservative vs. liberal, etc. issue, rather it is a common decency issue, IMO.

Some familiarity for sure, but I think it's more of a "crowd" sort of mentality. One or a even few people of like-minded temperament will engage in constructive discussion, online or in person. You get many together, they know they have support/others to egg them on or reinforce their opinions, and it gets ugly quickly thanks to it. I don't know that there's any easy, or permanent way to improve upon this, as the goal is to increase member numbers (but too many of our new members aren't active posters). If the respect for one another isn't there now, it's likely not going to get better, but it is possible. Increased moderation is definitely not the answer. What you'll have is a number of posters who come and go as their tolerance reaches critical, posters who reduce their participation to "safer" forums, a core number of posters who are the usual culprits stirring it up and see no reason to change, a number of posters who try to ignore it and continue as usual, and a silent majority who probably only check in when they want to see what the weather or traffic is like, have something to buy or sell, or are, on occasion, bored.

Perhaps, we should pause to think before we post that 'brilliant' zinger, would I talk to my friends that way? Would I really phrase it that way if I were talking with a friend of my mother? Would I say the same thing if I were talking with him/her in Safeway or King Soopers?

Disagreement is a wonderful thing, and leads to improvement. But, it can be expressed in a respectful manner. We seem to have lost a lot of the respect for others here, and that diminishes both us, and the value of this forum.

I would like to see us all concentrate more on respectful responses to issues, rather than disrespectful responses to personalities. I think we would all gain more that way.

This is ideal. Respectful disagreement fosters open communication, introduction to new ideas, and a feeling of connection with others, even those whose attitudes/principles/etc don't match oneself. We become stronger as a community and, bigger picture, as a nation that way. But to change group-think, the effort has to come from the members themselves, sometimes guided by authority (*wink* 285Bound Staff!). These citations below aren't exactly like our situation, but do provide some info and guidance to mitigate it, if you think it's worth a try...just my 2 cents. There's probably lots of better business or psychology/sociology books out there to address this topic - I can see if EM knows any off the top of his head if you're interested (he's done wonders with his company in designing a leadership development course that includes things like better communication and involvement with and between team members, and just gave me one of his new books to read on understanding resistance to change; but, JMC probably knows as much too!).
http://clomedia.com/index.php?url=artic ... ee/print:1

Eliminating Groupthink
Eliminating this detrimental behavior is easiest if you can determine why it’s occurring in the first place. If the intimidator is not the boss but one or two dominant individuals who seem to be running the show, try to understand what is causing the team dynamic. Are the dominant players intimidating the less dominant individuals, or are the passive players uninterested and content to agree? Whatever the case, it’s to your benefit to make sure every team member understands that everyone is equally responsible for the decisions being made. You may need to instruct passive players to step up or ask overbearing individuals to change the nature of their contributions.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl ... html?cat=7
Mob Mentality
Regina Russell Aug 19, 2010

Sunstein (2009) and Vorobyoff (2006) argue for individual responsibility, (i.e. each person is responsible for his or her own actions). One psychologist (Jost, 2009, p. 255) says that we have become a society that blames others instead of taking responsibility for our own decisions. Or does a person succumb to the group's mentality as Sunstein (2009) argues when he says, "crowds and large masses are not self-policing; mob mentality leads to polarizations, extremism, and violence. When people find themselves in groups of like-minded others, they are more likely move to extremes" (Sunstein, 2009, p, 21).

The media and family upbringing affect our outlook and opinions about other races and gender (Winter, 2008). We must challenge those beliefs and escape from prejudice and from the groupthink and mob mentality to form our own values, opinions, beliefs and mindset. In the words of Emerson: "to be an individual and to think for oneself in a world that is constantly trying to make us conform is the struggle of a lifetime" (Emerson, 1875/2009, p.133).

It is a struggle worth fighting if our actions bring freedom and a better social condition.

I understand the frustrations of the member who decided to leave, but from my point of view, it hasn't been that bad (irritating and mildly depressing at time, but, at least, not as bad as I've seen other places. Maybe I just have thicker skin, make my disagreement obviously known and move on emotionally, or take a bigger picture perspective so it's easier to tolerate the "slings and arrows of misfortune", I don't know). Sure there are those who will never change their minds on any topic, and those who only want to state their opinions and can get disrespectful about it, but it's just like people in real life. To openly discuss and try to improve upon this situation though, is the best course of action and I applaud 285Bound for bringing this up. I continue to look forward to more conversations, debates, and disagreements with everyone on here.